It was Wednesday the 7th of November 2012, after work, and the phone rang. It was April...asking if she and Chris could come over right away. I was really happy that they were at his house and not hers, only a 5 minute commute, if that. Any more time than that and I think I may have exploded. As it was, I spun through a million and one thoughts during the wait.
One of the first was the realization that I had actually done a pretty good job of putting April and Chris' pregnancy out of my mind over the past few days...surprisingly so. I'm sure it was some sort of self preservation trick. I did have a conversation with Mo, I love Mo. As I explained to her how I felt about the news and how I believed that April could neither abort or give up her child. Mo just smiled and said, "but she would not be giving up her baby, she'd be giving her baby to you, and that's a big difference." She is right of course, but still, I could not let myself dwell on possibilities.
Now they were on their way over. Option one, and most likely as far as I was concerned, was that they were going to let us know that they had decided to meet this opportunity head on and move in together and raise their baby together. Of course I'd be happy for them...but truthfully, I was a bit glad that we'd be moved and away when the baby first came, so much joy and hurt at the same time.
Option two...and I still couldn't hardly allow myself to go there, but maybe, just maybe, they were going to ask us to adopt. Jillian and I looked at each other with what could only be described as a moment of terror. Where we really going to say yes, were we really going to change our life plans, yet again, just when we're making huge decisions to quit our jobs, sell the house, get rid of half our things, move to Portland, start a business and start over again? Could we do it all? Although totally solid, were we ready to make that next step in our relationship? We talked in the few short minutes we had....yes, maybe, yes and maybe we can't do it all, but we'd do our best. We hugs, kissed, and had a smoke.
April and Chris arrived and came right to the point, after thinking about it together, spending time listening to their hearts and a phone call to Lo, they came to ask us to adopt their baby. I hugged April and started to cry, waves of emotion overcame me...everything from disbelief, to amazement, to it's-about-fucking-time, to awe, to no-fucking-way, to fear, back to disbelief. I looked April in the eyes and saw calmness and love, a glance over to Chris, and the same thing....and for the most part, the disbelief faded away....this is really going to happen, I am finally going to get to be a mom. Pretty much everyone we've told has voiced some kind of concern, but I saw the look in April eyes, I felt the calm, the kind you have when you feel good after making a hard decision.
They had a few request, they want an open adoption and want to be part of the baby's life. April wants to have a relationship with the baby that is similar to the one her sister has with Akacia and Isaiah....godmother like. She wants her other kids to have a relationship with their sibling. We are of course open that...we are certainly 'tribe' people and want them to be in our lives now and in the future. Chris offered support in anyway we need, but was obviously still in shock...I think he's going to be great though.
April did said that she thought it best that Jillian and I would be in Portland already, and have 6 months or so, before she and Chris move up to Portland too. That would give Jillian and I time to bond, and April and Chris time grieve and process the transfer. I can't imagine the highs and lows that we will be feeling. As their friend, Jillian and I want to do anything we can to help April and Chris through what I can only imagine to be a heart wrenching process, and as the mom-at-last I want to explode with joy. I don't want one to overshadow the other as both deserve their place.
Then April asked us if we wanted/could go to the sonogram appointment the next day. Of course I did! I would have done just about anything to be there, and called a co-worker to reschedule a meeting so I could. Unfortunately, Jillian couldn't get time off in such short notice. Because the pregnancy wasn't planned, April had no idea how far along she was, so that's what they were going to let us know at the appointment.
We sat together, all holding hands, cuddling, talked, cried, and began what I'm sure is going to be a life long process of becoming even more bonded together as family. I am super excited about this and could not think of a better way for this to work out for us all, considering.
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