Sonogram

Thursday November 8th, 2012. 
Chris showed up at my place a bit after 12 noon, I fed him some leftovers for lunch and we had a good talk while he was eating.  First, I asked him again if he really was sure that he could go through with giving the baby to Jillian and I.  He assured me that it is the right thing for him to do and it was what both he and April wanted.  Then, I let him know that I would honor and support what ever decision he made in regards to how involved he wanted to be with the child.  He's a great guy and I look forward to having him around.

We jumped in the truck and headed up to Arcata.  A quick stop at April's work to drop off Chris' bike and then out to Mad River Hospital.  April was checking in and we joined her at the desk.  Within minutes the tech was calling April's name and we headed back to the exam room.  I kind of thought that there would be a question, or at least a glance or something from the tech when all three of us followed her into the room, but nothing, just felt normal and accepting. 

April laid on the table, pulled up her shirt and pushed her pants down.  The tech squirted a bunch of gel on her belly....a bunch...and then she put the wand in it, rubbing the gel around and looking for April's uterus.  Pretty much right away I could see an image on the screen and once the tech started pointing out features, "there's a spine, a head, legs, feet," I could make out a tiny little human!  Tears were running down my face, I was so amazed and in awe.  I walked around the bed, held April's hand and stared at the monitor.

The night before I had looked up pictures on the internet of what a 12 week old baby looks like, April thought that was about how far along she was. The tech took measurements, the thigh bone, the torso, the circumference of the head....I am so happy for my biology/nursing background, I love being a science geek...I was just as amazed at the wonder of pregnancy and fetal development as I was overwhelmed that I was going to be Mom to this little being.  After doing all the measurements, the tech had an answer, the baby was 17 weeks and 1 day old...due on April 17, 2013.  What a surprise, almost half way through the pregnancy! 

Then, our tech asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the baby?  She warned us that it was a bit early, they usually don't look until 20 weeks....but she moved the wand around April's abdomen  until we could see, a thigh on either side, no dangly bits, its a girl!

Baby's first picture - spine on top, head to the left, legs and feet on the right.

Profile view, hand in front of face.

Look at our little alien sea monkey!

The cutest little feet of all time.

Baby On The Way - Part 2

It was Wednesday the 7th of November 2012, after work, and the phone rang.  It was April...asking if she and Chris could come over right away.  I was really happy that they were at his house and not hers, only a 5 minute commute, if that.  Any more time than that and I think I may have exploded.  As it was, I spun through a million and one thoughts during the wait. 

One of the first was the realization that I had actually done a pretty good job of putting April and Chris' pregnancy out of my mind over the past few days...surprisingly so.  I'm sure it was some sort of self preservation trick.  I did have a conversation with Mo, I love Mo.  As I explained to her how I felt about the news and how I believed that April could neither abort or give up her child.  Mo just  smiled and said, "but she would not be giving up her baby, she'd be giving her baby to you, and that's a big difference."  She is right of course, but still, I could not let myself dwell on possibilities.

Now they were on their way over.  Option one, and most likely as far as I was concerned, was that they were going to let us know that they had decided to meet this opportunity head on and move in together and raise their baby together.  Of course I'd be happy for them...but truthfully, I was a bit glad that we'd be moved and away when the baby first came, so much joy and hurt at the same time. 

Option two...and I still couldn't hardly allow myself to go there, but maybe, just maybe, they were going to ask us to adopt.  Jillian and I looked at each other with what could only be described as a moment of terror.  Where we really going to say yes, were we really going to change our life plans, yet again, just when we're making huge decisions to quit our jobs, sell the house, get rid of half our things, move to Portland, start a business and start over again?  Could we do it all?  Although totally solid, were we ready to make that next step in our relationship?  We talked in the few short minutes we had....yes, maybe, yes and maybe we can't do it all, but we'd do our best. We hugs, kissed, and had a smoke.

April and Chris arrived and came right to the point, after thinking about it together, spending time listening to their hearts and a phone call to Lo, they came to ask us to adopt their baby.  I hugged April and started to cry, waves of emotion overcame me...everything from disbelief, to amazement, to it's-about-fucking-time, to awe, to no-fucking-way, to fear, back to disbelief.  I looked April in the eyes and saw calmness and love, a glance over to Chris, and the same thing....and for the most part, the disbelief faded away....this is really going to happen, I am finally going to get to be a mom. Pretty much everyone we've told has voiced some kind of concern, but I saw the look in April eyes, I felt the calm, the kind you have when you feel good after making a hard decision.

They had a few request, they want an open adoption and want to be part of the baby's life.  April wants to have a relationship with the baby that is similar to the one her sister has with Akacia and Isaiah....godmother like.  She wants her other kids to have a relationship with their sibling. We are of course open that...we are certainly 'tribe' people and want them to be in our lives now and in the future.  Chris offered support in anyway we need, but was obviously still in shock...I think he's going to be great though.

April did said that she thought it best that Jillian and I would be in Portland already, and have 6 months or so, before she and Chris move up to Portland too.  That would give Jillian and I time to bond, and April and Chris time grieve and process the transfer.  I can't imagine the highs and lows that we will be feeling.  As their friend, Jillian and I want to do anything we can to help April and Chris through what I can only imagine to be a heart wrenching process, and as the mom-at-last I want to explode with joy.  I don't want one to overshadow the other as both deserve their place. 

Then April asked us if we wanted/could go to the sonogram appointment the next day.  Of course I did! I would have done just about anything to be there, and called a co-worker to reschedule a meeting so I could.  Unfortunately, Jillian couldn't get time off in such short notice. Because the pregnancy wasn't planned, April had no idea how far along she was, so that's what they were going to let us know at the appointment.

We sat together, all holding hands, cuddling, talked, cried, and began what I'm sure is going to be a life long process of becoming even more bonded together as family.  I am super excited about this and could not think of a better way for this to work out for us all, considering.

Baby On The Way - Part 1

Time to revive the old blog....we have a baby on the way!

On Sunday November 4th April and Chris stayed behind after everyone one had left Paddle's birthday party....they had something they wanted to tell us.  In a effort to to figure out what was wrong with her, April had gone to the doctor who had, on a whim, ran a pregnancy test....it came back positive.

Truthful, when they stayed behind with something to say, I was thinking maybe April wanted to do something special for our going away, a dinner, an intimate get together, something along those lines.  But instead, I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach....life is so fucking unfair.  I wanted to scream, cry, trow things, but instead I forced a smile.

But they weren't exactly happy.  April has been talking with excitement for some time about her plans for herself after Akacia graduates high school in June.  Even thinking that she may head up to Portland, following Jillian, Paddle and I, or maybe working, saving and taking a whole year off to do what ever.  Chris, any time it's come up in all the time we've know him, has always professed his love of being childless.  So this news, that they had created a real live human, was hitting them hard, and Jillian and I could see it on their faces.

I reached across the breakfast bar and took my friends hand, "what are you going to do?" I asked.  They didn't know, they were still in shock...three options really, abortion, carry to term and raise a new child or carry to term and give up for adoption.  What ever the decision, Chris is dedicated to standing by April's side and supporting in any way he can.  Knowing my friend, I new abortion was probably the least likely option, and I just couldn't image that she could give her baby away, way too much hippy mama love in her, but I could also see that the thought of giving up her dream to start over again with a new baby was crushing her.

We sat outside, and talked.  I could feel myself fighting any hint of a thought that she would be able to give up her baby, and preparing myself to embrace the joy that I knew would eventually from the hearts of both April and Chris.  I asked her, forgetting for the moment that she knew Chris, prior to now, did not want a child....did she want this child?  And how about her health, April hasn't been feeling all that great lately, how would that affect things?  So many questions, and they really didn't know the answers or really know what they wanted to do.

I did let her that if they did decide on adoption and they considered anybody other than us, I'd 'punch her in the face'...can't believe I actually said that, but there is it.  We talk some more and at one point I said for it to be my dream, she and Chris would do deep heart and soul searching and in the end, decide that they wanted to give the baby to Jillian and I...and we would be able to be excited expecting parents....with no guilt, heartache, or bad feelings.  I told her that I couldn't allow my self to even think about that as an option, not yet.  In the end, of course, I said that she had to do what was right for her and Chris and the baby....and I would support my friend, in any way that she needed.



They left...I collapse into tears in Jillian's arms....how could life be so fucking unfair!!

So, with all this rain, our basement flooded tonight.

I want to find historic maps of Eureka, because I'm pretty sure this old house, built in 1899, is on a creek...now buried beneath the streets and houses.  We have a cemented area in our basement for water to collect with a sump pump all set up ready to go...because we need it.  Water seems to just oozes out of the ground all around our house...horsetails, a swamp loving plant, grow all over the yard.

When we checked the water level in the basement two days ago there was just a little bit in the basin, and other than the winter of '07-08 the water has never gotten very deep, even when we have a good rain, and we haven't needed to use the sump pump.  Well, this evening I went to fill the bathtub for Noah and we had no hot water.  It occurred to me that since the hot water tank is in our basement that there may be some trouble lurking beneath our floors.

I slipped on my Boggs, grabbed a flash light, put on a rain coat and stepped outside the back door and made my way to the basement hatch.  Unlocking it, I propped the lid up and shinned the flashlight down the steps seeing what there was to see.  I started down the steps, trying to make out the cement basin under the house, just how full was it?  Last step, splash...CRAP!  Water all the way to the steps, not only was the pool full, it had overflowed all over the basement and was deep enough to put out the pilot light on the hot water heater.  Thank god I don't keep anything down there and for Boggs.

Splish splash, over the the edge of the cement, I could see the pump submerged at the bottom, the hose coiled at the bottom of the stairs and the plug hanging from the post, a pier, holding up my house.  I held my breath and inserted the plug into the outlet, obviously wired that spot just for this purpose, and wala, the pump started and water began poring out the end of the hose!  I quickly grabbed the hose and ran it up the stairs and out in to the yard.  Wasn't long before I realized that I was creating a new flood!  I pulled the yard hose off the side of the house, attached it to the one coming from the basement and dragged the new end out the back gate and into the ally.  Which is paved with a metal grate about halfway down....this also supports my creek-near-by idea.

After about an hour, I checked the basement one last time for tonight and turned the pump off.  The pool was half empty, water from the rest off he basement slowing flowing into it, I'm sure by morning it'll be full again....and I'll need to run the pump for another hour or so tomorrow.  I'm glad the rain has let up.

Checking In - Part 1

I knew it's been a while since I've written, but I didn't realize how long until I checked the date today!  I guess Facebook has kinda replaced the the blogging in some ways...it's quick, easy and a fast way to post pictures.

As I look back over the last few posts, I can see that change is sometimes slow.  I'm still working in the garden and loving it...just bought this years seeds and starts, have the beds prepped and even put new plastic on the cold frame.  I'm excited to see what we get this year, as I'm planting some of the same stuff as before - broccoli, carrots, green onions, leeks, etc, but I'm trying a few new ones this year like pinto beans for drying, pole beans with sprays of scarlet-orange flowers, brussels sprouts and purple tomatillos.  I'll try to keep posting as the season progresses.

More to come about baby drama, the Zoo and Imps....

Bust Survey

From a survey by Bust magazine about sex: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=6fZXELIm8C8VW1zmC5dbFg_3d_3d

One of the questions - the weirdest place I've had sex -

This is hard...weird is relative.  I'm a hostess for sex parties in our area, so I've certainly had sex in a room full of people, I've had sex in a tent at a crowded music festival, in the bathroom at the marina, outside on a mountain top, in my car on the side of the road, in a parking lot and while driving down the road.  I've had sex on a military base basketball court, over a hotel railing and in the back of a limo.

The Worm Bin

I gathered together a couple of old drawers, my drill and some recycled panda plastic.

I cut out the plastic and glued it in as a liner for the drawer.

Here's me with a power tool...making holes in the bottom of the drawers.  I'm not sure the holes are big enough.  They are suppose to let the liquid byproduct out and be big enough to let the worms through.

For the bedding, I shredded and wetted a few Tri-Cities, and topped that with Foster Compost.

With any luck, the Foster compost had enough worms in it to make this all work.  I added some scraps from prep for the last few dinners.

Then I covered it all with leaves from the yard.

Until I find a better place to store the worms, I'll keep them in this large rubber bin so I can collect the liquid 

For now, the second drawer is empty.  Once the bottom drawer is full of 'black gold', or worm compost, then I'll start putting bedding and cooking scraps in the top and hopefully the holes are big enough for the worms to migrate up...leaving the gold in the bottom for me to use in the garden.