Heart Beats and Surprises

Before we left Humboldt, Jillian and I got to got to two doctor appointments with April and I went with her to the orientation meeting at the birth center.  At the fist appointment, we were hoping to hear the heartbeat.  I was all giddy, Jillian was pretty excited too....and I think it's perfect that April chose to wear her red shirt with the word 'love' spelled out in glitter.

The day before, at the orientation, April and I had a good talk.  I was starting to feel weird, almost like I was being disrespectful of April's feeling and process, by being happy myself. I am so overwhelmed with wonder and amazement that I finally get to be a Mom.  I've wanted it for so long, tried so many different paths to get here, but never thought it'd happen like this.

I can't imagine how it must feel for April and Chris to process through this situation.  I know that I have a very biased point of view when I think that April or Chris' parental instincts will kick in and they may change their mind or that they must be sad, or upset, or traumatized in some way, because the pregnancy was unplanned, and unwanted and they have to 'deal' with the situation.....but it's not what I'm finding to be the case.  Although they did not plan for a child, and are facing a painful separation period, both seem to be so full of love when they talk of open adoption.

When I told April how I felt, about my fears of being disrespectful and my desire to honor her process, she just smiled at me, the way she does, through her eyes and with her whole face, and told me that they are not going to change their minds and I can be as happy as I want.  She is so strong and amazing. I can't even begin to put into words how grateful I am that they trust Jillian and I to raise this baby they have created.

So anyway, the three of us, the Mamas, all filed into the exam room.  We met the Dr., he and April talked about her previous unpleasant birthing experiences and how things could be different/better this time.  Then he did a quick exam and out came the Doppler and up went my excitement...Jillian and April giggled at me, but I didn't care.  After moving the wand around for a few very long seconds we could hear it....the heartbeat!  I pulled out my iphone and recorded 20 beautiful seconds.  If I could figure out how to attach a sound bite I would, but alas.  I listen to it all the time, makes me emotional, well up and cry most times...I can feel it deep in my chest.  I am so glad to have been there for that!

A week later there was the second sonogram appointment.  April actually called to ask how many people she could bring with her to the appointment - it ended up being Jillian and I, Chris and April and Akacia and Erin. 

The teen girls we were funny, nervous and semi grossed out but eager to see what there was to see.  We all piled into the exam room and April laid down, the gel was applied and soon we were able to make out little body parts on the screen....tiny head, spine, legs, hands.  Baby's legs were crossed and hands in front of the little face so the technician had to move around quite a bit to see everything.  The most amazing part, the heart.  We could see all 4 chambers, we could see the little valves opening and shutting and beating away...it was a trip!  Everything looked great.

Then she asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the baby.  From the first sonogram we all got the hint that it was probably a girl.  Jillian and I even picked a name....a name we really like, it's not common, it's easy to spell, it honors a dear friend - Zeva Rosalie Harbaugh.  So when the technition said that she was pretty sure she knew what it was, but wanted to get a better picture for us, my heart began to race, there was talk amongst the parents...maybe it's not a girl.  After a bit of manipulation, the tech was finally able to give us what she wanted, a picture of a baby penis....we're having a boy!! We are totally happy, we really don't care if it's a boy or a girl, but now we have to find a boy name...suggestions?