Monday, December 17, 2012

Heart Beats and Surprises



Before we left Humboldt, Jillian and I got to got to two doctor appointments with April and I went with her to the orientation meeting at the birth center.  At the fist appointment, we were hoping to hear the heartbeat.  I was all giddy, Jillian was pretty excited too....and I think it's perfect that April chose to wear her red shirt with the word 'love' spelled out in glitter.
The day before, at the orientation, April and I had a good talk.  I was starting to feel weird, almost like I was being disrespectful of April's feeling and process, by being happy myself. I am so overwhelmed with wonder and amazement that I finally get to be a Mom.  I've wanted it for so long, tried so many different paths to get here, but never thought it'd happen like this.

I can't imagine how it must feel for April and Chris to process through this situation.  I know that I have a very biased point of view when I think that April or Chris' parental instincts will kick in and they may change their mind or that they must be sad, or upset, or traumatized in some way, because the pregnancy was unplanned, and unwanted and they have to 'deal' with the situation.....but it's not what I'm finding to be the case.  Although they did not plan for a child, and are facing a painful separation period, both seem to be so full of love when they talk of open adoption.

When I told April how I felt, about my fears of being disrespectful and my desire to honor her process, she just smiled at me, the way she does, through her eyes and with her whole face, and told me that they are not going to change their minds and I can be as happy as I want.  She is so strong and amazing. I can't even begin to put into words how grateful I am that they trust Jillian and I to raise this baby they have created.

So anyway, the three of us, the Mamas, all filed into the exam room.  We met the Dr., he and April talked about her previous unpleasant birthing experiences and how things could be different/better this time.  Then he did a quick exam and out came the Doppler and up went my excitement...Jillian and April giggled at me, but I didn't care.  After moving the wand around for a few very long seconds we could hear it....the heartbeat!  I pulled out my iphone and recorded 20 beautiful seconds.  If I could figure out how to attach a sound bite I would, but alas.  I listen to it all the time, makes me emotional, well up and cry most times...I can feel it deep in my chest.  I am so glad to have been there for that!

A week later there was the second sonogram appointment.  April actually called to ask how many people she could bring with her to the appointment - it ended up being Jillian and I, Chris and April and Akacia and Erin. 

The teen girls we were funny, nervous and semi grossed out but eager to see what there was to see.  We all piled into the exam room and April laid down, the gel was applied and soon we were able to make out little body parts on the screen....tiny head, spine, legs, hands.  Baby's legs were crossed and hands in front of the little face so the technician had to move around quite a bit to see everything.  The most amazing part, the heart.  We could see all 4 chambers, we could see the little valves opening and shutting and beating away...it was a trip!  Everything looked great.

Then she asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the baby.  From the first sonogram we all got the hint that it was probably a girl.  Jillian and I even picked a name....a name we really like, it's not common, it's easy to spell, it honors a dear friend - Zeva Rosalie Harbaugh.  So when the technition said that she was pretty sure she knew what it was, but wanted to get a better picture for us, my heart began to race, there was talk amongst the parents...maybe it's not a girl.  After a bit of manipulation, the tech was finally able to give us what she wanted, a picture of a baby penis....we're having a boy!! We are totally happy, we really don't care if it's a boy or a girl, but now we have to find a boy name...suggestions?







Thursday, December 13, 2012

12-12-12

12-12-12, Wednesday

We're unpacking today.  Our new place in Portland, all 673 square feet, seems smaller than before, now that it has boxes piled everywhere.  I have no idea how we're going to fit everything in.  Did manage to get my office space in such a state that I can sit and do a bit of work.  And unpacked three-quarters of the kitchen stuff.  Even though we got rid of a bunch of stuff in Eureka as we packed, I think there is another trip to Goodwill in our near future.

Today we also took our first Portland bus trip and I opened a p.o. box, got Oregon auto insurance, and registered Little Localvore with the State and signed up for an SBDC orientation.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Adoption Agency

A while back, when talking with my sister about our issues with CA State Adoptions and Humboldt County foster care system, she recommended that I read a book by Dan Savage about his adoption experience, The Kid. I read a bit of it on-line, but never got the book...it's now on the short list.

When I told Suzanne about this baby and our situation/opportunity, being the lawyer she is, she pretty much went straight to the legal stuff....after congratulating us, of course.  She wanted to know if April and Chris were going to sign over custody, would there be issues with us living in Oregon and them being in California, and where is the baby going to be born?  I told her that yes, it is their plan to have us adopt the baby, and I had no idea if there would be an issue with us being in different States and the baby will be born in Humboldt (like me...Frumboldt).  Then Suzanne sent me the  link for Open Adoption and Family Services in Portland, the same adoption agency Dan Savage used.

I went to their web site and immediately liked what I read.  They have a bunch of videos to watch, everything from their administrators, to birth parents, adoptive parents, and the kids themselves.  I watched them, tears running down my cheeks all the while...such beautiful stories, so much love and great strength and courage. Yes, this is the agency I want to use.  It gave me so much hope and faith that the four, well five, of us could totally do this. 

I gave Open Adoption and Family Services a call and was able to talk with someone right away.  Lori walked me through the process, we have what is called an identified adoption and she explained to me how that works.  She emailed us an info sheet with more details.  One of the big surprises, and truthfully disappointments, was finding out that Jillian and I would still have to go through the State and have a home study before we can adopt...and pay $6500 for the privilege.  But it's going to be worth it, every last penny.