Let me explain. My wife and I have known our son's birth parents for many years. We have worked together, learned together and grown together, and long before our son was born we talked about living together with a close-nit group of folks we call our 'tribe'. I envisioned something between a commune and a kabbutz. However, by the summer of 2012 we couldn't be further from that dream. My wife and I were making plans to move at the end of the year, almost 500 miles away to a different state, leaving behind my hopes of communal living...or so I thought.
Six weeks before we were to pack the last of our belongings into the U-Haul, our friends came to us with news....they were pregnant. Such bittersweet news at the time. I had been trying to start a family/get pregnant for about 20 years, but to no avail. Part of the reason for the big move was to help my wife and I to 'move on', and enjoy our lives as DINKs (double income, no kids). On top of that, my friends were facing some difficult challenges and tough choices about their pregnancy.
After a few days of deep thoughts, long conversations and soul searching, our friends came to the wife and I and asked us to join with them in an open adoption. They were clear about wanting to be part of our child's life and just as clear about knowing that we were the correct choice to be his primary care givers, his parents. It was one of the most emotional, surreal days of my life. (We said yes!)
My wife and I went forward with our move and attempted to get settled into Portland before the little bundle of joy would come and change our lives forever. We did managed to make it to two sonograms and a couple of Dr. appointments before he was born. In April 2013 we welcomed our baby boy into the world, all eleven of us! In attendance were J and me, the birth Mother and Father, our son's half sister and her gf, our doula and his wife, our very dear friend C, and the Dr. and nurse, of course. And even though the adoption papers were signed the day after his birth, birth Mom and baby stayed together, with us, getting a chance to bond, for about a month. She even nursed him for his first two weeks giving them both the awesome benefits of doing so.
It's been a year now, our little guy will be one this Easter Sunday and the family is gathering once again. The past year has given my wife and I time to bond with our baby, given my friend time to heal and mourn the loss of her child, given the birth Dad time to fall in love with his son (a wonderful surprise to him, as he thought that he never wanted to be a father), time for the grandparents, birth, step and adopted, to realize that all are welcome to share their love. We figure the more love for our son the better.
The more time that goes by, the more I truly feel like our son is really 'OUR' son. I am excited to share his joys and accomplishments with my friends. As his birth parents, only they will really understand the glee that we feel as we watch our child grow into a young man. Which is why we've all decided that the best thing for us and our son is to all live together as one big happy family...so excited!
