I was feeling very overwhelmed the other day and quite a bit depressed....but then my good friend Paddle pointed out that I have have quite the year, and I should give myself a break.
It was June 2012 when Jillian and I took a trip the The Nest and did some deep soul searching...at the end of that trip, we when home with huge life changing plans - wrap things up in Eureka and move on to Portland. Which meant:
a) Saying good-bye to a job and co-workers I'd had for over 14 years.
b) Selling my house in Humboldt and all that goes along with that....for half of what it was worth and only after a struggle with the ex.
c) Letting go of Noah and Casey (those 6 words can not even begin to describe how hard this has been).
d) Letting go of the idea of having children in our lives, tired of the emotional roller coaster I'd been on for 20+ years as I tried over and over again.
e) Hosting the last of the Impropriety Society events, the end of 4.5 years of community work.
f) Ending a business partnership with two of the best friends/partners a gal could have.
g) Finding a place in Portland to live.
h) Packing what we could and selling or giving away the rest of our belongings.
i) Deciding to start my own business in Portland - picking a business name and designing a logo.
And then 6 weeks before we left Humboldt we found out we're getting a baby!!!...which meant:
j) Going to the Dr. with April and seeing our baby on the sonogram.
k) Dealing with government agencies and navigating the open adoption process.
l) Filling out lots of paperwork and getting FBI background check, credit checks and health checks, plus references from friends and family and personal interviews.
m) Enduring a Home Study.
n) Paying for all those studies...with money meant to run my business.
o) Processing the emotions around becoming a parent through open adoption- mine, Jillian's, April and Chris'...and to some extent the rest of our families.
Once in Portland:
p) Unpacking and settling into our new place....loving the view and the location, but realizing that our highrise studio is too small and too expensive for long term child rearing.
q) Familiarized ourselves to a new city and trying not to get lost.
r) Finish writing my business plan and do all the work to actually start my business - permits, kitchen rental, inspections, applying to farmers markets, get business supplies, set up my books, pick recipes.
s) Work my first farmers market in March, less than three months after arriving in town, loved it!
t) Travel back to Humboldt for baby shower, visit with Noah and Casey and the rest of our friends.
u) Pick a name for the baby.
v) Jillian had to find/get a job.
w) Travel back to Humboldt for Lake's birth....and experiencing a most magical time!
x) All the while holding our breath, waiting to see if April and Chris would change their minds.
y) Wait for official paperwork to bring Lake home.
z) Move again to a place that cost us less rent and has more room, but is in a much less desirable neighborhood...with a newborn, less than a month old...thank goodness April was here to help with Lake!
aa) Coming to the realization that I don't have enough money to keep the business afloat and that I'll have to put it on hold, even before it really gets going.
bb) Realized that we also don't have enough money to finish the adoption.
cc) Hind site is a bitch as I realized that we should have spent all our money on the adoption and not on starting the business, at least the adoption would be done and not in limbo.
dd) Adjusting to having FAR less money than I'm used to...living in government housing and even needing to visit a food bank to make ends meet
ee) Adjusting to being a stay-at-home-mom....hell, to just being a Mom
ff) Realizing that I need to make some Portland friends.
gg) Dealing with the heat of Portland, yuck.
I'm sure if I thought about it more I could add a few things more to the list.....not the average year!
