Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bust Survey

From a survey by Bust magazine about sex: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=6fZXELIm8C8VW1zmC5dbFg_3d_3d

One of the questions - the weirdest place I've had sex -

This is hard...weird is relative.  I'm a hostess for sex parties in our area, so I've certainly had sex in a room full of people, I've had sex in a tent at a crowded music festival, in the bathroom at the marina, outside on a mountain top, in my car on the side of the road, in a parking lot and while driving down the road.  I've had sex on a military base basketball court, over a hotel railing and in the back of a limo.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Worm Bin


I gathered together a couple of old drawers, my drill and some recycled panda plastic.



I cut out the plastic and glued it in as a liner for the drawer.
Here's me with a power tool...making holes in the bottom of the drawers.  I'm not sure the holes are big enough.  They are suppose to let the liquid byproduct out and be big enough to let the worms through.

For the bedding, I shredded and wetted a few Tri-Cities, and topped that with Foster Compost.



With any luck, the Foster compost had enough worms in it to make this all work.  I added some scraps from prep for the last few dinners.
Then I covered it all with leaves from the yard.
Until I find a better place to store the worms, I'll keep them in this large rubber bin so I can collect the liquid 
For now, the second drawer is empty.  Once the bottom drawer is full of 'black gold', or worm compost, then I'll start putting bedding and cooking scraps in the top and hopefully the holes are big enough for the worms to migrate up...leaving the gold in the bottom for me to use in the garden. 

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Run away....

Well, I went to the office yesterday....got some work done.....it felt pretty good.  But like Lucy, I think I'm still going to have some splainin to do when a few of my clients call and ask "hey, what's up with my ads?"  I'm almost caught up and I think by the end of today or tomorrow, I'll be good to go....go where, I don't know.  Wilber Hot Springs would be nice, that's where I took this picture...doesn't she look at peace?

Had a meeting with the girls last night...the meeting before the meeting tonight with the rest of the development board.  We seem to not be ready to give up the control...not sure we ever meant to.  In my mind, we were asking for help doing the stuff we couldn't get to, not help taking away what we love doing.  And now, after the retreat, it seems that we are being asked to give it up what we actually want to be doing.  It doesn't feel good, I feel like on the defensive and that's not what I want.

This morning I sent this to the girls:
Sooo...just something to think about....when I told Jillian that we were going to ask folks to back-off, that we were going to call Yellow, she got all butt hurt and said that we were jerking people around.  First we want their help, and then when the help starts coming in, we push it all away...she thinks it's too late to ask people to back off....now we're all grumpy at each other, fuck I hate this shit!

I think a good way to phrase tonight may be two fold.....first we have to say that although we knew we wanted help, we apparently did a poor job of being clear about what we wanted help with.  We know what we like to do for the Imps, and have an idea of what we need help with...what ended up happening at the retreat was not exactly what we wanted.  What seemed to happen at the retreat was that EVERYTHING was thrown on the table, when really, we only want to throw a few things out there. So the first thing is to restate what it is we actually want help with.....THEN we can start talking about who wants to do what and what the decision making process will be.  And the second part would be that, after the retreat, we all have a lot to think about AND we have 3 events to put on between now and the end of the year.  We are calling Yellow, because we have to rethink what it is we are actually asking for in the business structure, but are still pretty clear about business function - we put on parties, so we need to concentrate on that.  Maybe that will work.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Or it could be a midlife crisis....


Characteristics

Sports cars as a form of conspicuous consumption.
Individuals experiencing a midlife crisis have some of these feelings:
  • search of an undefined dream or goal
  • a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
  • desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
  • need to spend more time alone or with certain peers
They exhibit some of these behaviors:
  • abuse of alcohol
  • acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as motorbikes, boats, clothing, sports cars, jewelry, gadgets, tattoos, piercings, etc.
  • depression
  • blaming themselves for their failures
  • paying special attention to physical appearance such as covering baldness, wearing "younger" designer clothes etc.
  • entering relationships with younger people (either/or sexual, professional, parental, etc.)
  • placing overimportance (and possibly a psychologically damaging amount) on their children to excel in areas such as sports, arts or academics

Depressed

I think I'm depressed....according to wikipedia:
Depression is a state of low mood and aversion to activity. Depressed persons may feel sad, anxious, empty, hopeless, helpless, worthless, guilty, irritable or restless. They may lose interest in activities that once were pleasurable, experience loss of appetite or overeating, or problems concentrating, remembering details or making decisions; and may contemplate or attempt suicide. Insomnia, waking early, excessive sleeping, fatigue, loss of energy, or aches, pains or digestive problems that are resistant to treatment may be present.[1]


I can't seem to do my work....there are some things that have been waiting for weeks for me to finish...and I don't really care....after 11 years there just doesn't seem to be any joy left.  But it's good money and I get away with doing nothing for weeks, sooooo......


I haven't been sleeping well....either I'm tired all the time, or I can't sleep, or both!


I feel sad, a bit hopeless, certainly guilty and everyone is fucking irritating!


Food doesn't even excite me right now....Jillian has taken to making the menu, shopping list and even doing a bunch of the cooking.


I wish I could walk away from all the drama that is building over the Imps...the change is emotional and difficult and I just don't seem to have the energy to want to deal with it.

I worry about my Mom and hope she is adjusting to her new life in the hospital....but can't bring myself to be more involved right now.

I'm surprisingly sad about my sister moving to Chicago....seems we were just starting to get along.

Why won't the sun come out in Eureka?!!

And the baby roller coaster is certainly getting to me...we started trying in January, have had 4 unsuccessful attempts.....I can't help but feel like it just wasn't meant for me to be a Mom and have a child....fuck, fuck , fuck!


I want to go away for a few weeks where there is no one but me, Jillian and the pets and the great outdoors....maybe I can figure out what I want to do with my life....I do have vacation time coming...but money has been too tight to plan anything....hoping we can afford a fire look out at the end of September, it's only $35 a night if it's still available.

I worry that my mood is a drain on my relationship with Jillian.  Although, truthfully, I feel so much love for her and from her I don't fear for us too much....she really is amazing and seems to be handling my current state of mind pretty good.

I do not feel suicidal.....not even close.

I want to work in the garden, maybe even have a little hobby farm/homestead, and do family research....is there a way to make a good life with that in mind?  I am being proactive in the gardening realm.... growing what I can in our yard (the weather this year is not helping!!), looking at what more I can do here at my house.....and I'm looking into participating in the Gardener Training Program at Deep Seeded Community Farm next year.  I'm already spending 'too much' time on Ancestry.com....and am annoyed when I have to pull myself away to do 'real work'.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Yard Flowers

I know the California Poppies, Chamomile, fuchsia and the mint...have not idea what the rest are...but they're in my yard.


Friday, August 27, 2010

Sunshine, Gardens and Babies

Seems to be all I can think about - sunshine, garden and babies....I'm having a very difficult time keeping my mind on work.  I don't know if it's the lack of any sales/marketing training and management at my work, but my desire for work is about nill.  If I weren't getting paid as well as I am, I'm sure I would have figured out something more exciting to do with my life.  I need a manager who is going to be a little more interactive with me.  I mean, sure, it's great to help local businesses and being on commission means that I can give myself a raise (and I certainly don't mean to downplay how awesome that really is)....but I need encouragement and little pats on the head when I've done well....I need someone to ask me what my goals are and then follow up with me about those....I need gold stars.

So much of my job is an uphill battle trying to let people know that I do want to help them, I want their marketing and advertising to work for them as an investment not just take their money...but at this point I've pretty much lost my patience and I just think business owners are too scared and don't want to really want to know about advertising or how it works.  They obviously went into business, not to think about marketing, but to do whatever it is that they 'love'.....I try to show them that owning a business and not advertising is like throwing a party and not sending out invitations...can't really be surprised by either when no one shows up.

The pressure of creating a successful advertising campaign is great....we have no real way in radio to prove that it is working.  Radio tends to be a slow builder...it's a great way for businesses to get info to people before they need them, but unless the offer is fantastic, it's not that great at immediate results.

I've been doing this for almost 11 1/2 years....I'm unsatisfied.  But who am I to bitch....I have a job, a good paying one...it affords me my newish car, my house payments, I get to go to music concerts and festivals and eat good food, I feed the animals and pay my bills...and I have time for the Imps and other extra activities....just no drive for work.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Peek-a-Boo

We adopted a cat named Boo.  We brought him home a few days ago and it's been a difficult adjustment.  The first day he hung out in the bedroom, behind closed doors, safe from the dogs.  He's an old man, 13 or there abouts we've been told, so I wanted to give him a safe place to adjust.  I forgot how much I hate the feel of cat litter on my feet, yuck, yuck, gag!  But at least he's using the cat box....can't wait to shift him to outdoor pottying.

One of the reasons we adopted Boo is because where he was, he was not getting the human attention that he desired by being an outdoor kitty.  So the first night when he was fairly vocal and active, I just chalked it up to getting to know new people and place.  Boy was he vocal, it was difficult to sleep cuz he kept waking me up, walking on my head, crying in my face.  The next day we decided to open the bedroom door and let him explore the rest of the house.  There was a scuffle between he and the dogs pretty much right away, Indigo came out of the experience with a little bead of blood forming on the bridge of his nose...and the cat ran right back under the bed.  Later in the evening Boo adventured out to the top of the bed, Becca, his previous mom, dropped off one of his scratching pads and he was quite happy to go to work clawing it up.  I left the door open in hopes of encouraging him to explore the rest of the house....no such luck...he just sat on the bed crying.

Last night when we went to bed, the alarm was set for 6:00 a.m....we have an Imps retreat to attend today and needed an early start...which meant I needed a good nights sleep so I can function all day today.  The cat wouldn't shut the fuck up!!!  I tried petting it, and then I tried putting the cat outside our room into the main part of the house.  Bacon was in her crate and I was pretty sure that Indigo wan't going to mess with Boo after the earlier encounter.  The cat just sat outside the bedroom door howling and wailing and scratching....it was driving me insane and I really really wanted to sleep.  Finally, at some point in the early early morning, I opened the back door and showed the cat.

Ahhhh.....silence, drifting...drifting back to....ALARM!!!  Fuck, 6:00 a.m. already, crap, oh well!

Boo, no where to be found, fuck!  Now I've spent time calling the cat, opening cans of cat food, shaking bowl of dry food, calling, calling...no Boo.  We have to leave the the Imps retreat in about 30-45 minutes....I'll keep trying.  I feel pretty bad.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Muddy Buddies

I've never, before Friday, had Muddy Buddies.  I am now addicted to the chocolaty treats we are renaming Devil Candy, they are so good!  Good thing we made only half a recipe...before we made the other half.

We had lots of plans for the weekend, pretty much didn't do any of it.  We did get the house kinda clean and I did a bit of yard work.  I love the feeling of getting work done around the house and yard, almost as much as I love how it looks when it's all done.  But after I did all that work I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house, other than to deal with storage on Sunday...I sure hope my honored friend knows how proud of her I am, and I know the new house got plenty warm without us, as for the new mama-to-be, the borange is strong, I wish you and yours the best!

Annie and Kora got here Saturday afternoon, it's been great hanging out with them.  Kora is getting so big, talking whole sentences....and is starting to use the potty!  They are asleep on the couch together right now - so precious!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Mom Update

I cried myself to sleep the other night....it just breaks my heart to think of her alone, with all that chaos and newness, confused and scared, sleeping truly alone in a bed for the first time in at least 40 years.  It must be awful for her.  I have a hard time not thinking about it, especially in the evenings.

Jillian is great....she is supporting me, letting me cry, even encouraging it, holding me, kissing me gently, rubbing my head.  I'm a very lucky lady.

I spoke with Aunt Bonnie last night.  She went to visit Mom both Tuesday and Wednesday.  They have moved her over one room, the monitor they put on her kept going off because her other room was so close to the front door.  Apparently she woke up the first night and didn't know where she was, duh, and started to wander around, looking for the bathroom, I'd guess.  Anyway now they have an alarm on her so they can make sure she doesn't get lost.

Bonnie got called into the office when she was there on Wednesday, one of the office folks was filling out paperwork and had not been able to get all the answers from Mom.  She didn't know where she had come from, or where she was for that matter.  She also didn't know she had children.  Does that mean I'm off the hook?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Humboldt County Fair

The fair is next week....I'm really looking forward to going, I always do.  But this year there is more intent to learn.  We want to figure out what it will take to buy a cow or a pig from one of the 4-H'ers and have it butchered.  We're going to try to make it to the Youth Livestock Auction at 1 p.m. on Sunday the 22.

At the auction we hope to learn a few things.  First, how the dang thing works.  Things like how to bid and that kind of thing.  Second, how much money we're going to have to gather/save over the next year so we can actually pay for meat we're bidding on. Third, what to do with the dang animal after we win.  From what I've been told by my friend down at the Ferndale Meat Market, the 4-H'er will pay for the actual killing of the animal, but that I, as the new owner would pay for the butchering of the meat.  There's an additional fee for smoking some pieces, like bacon and ham for pork or jerky for beef.

I'm thinking we may need to go in with a few folks on the whole thing to cover all the cost...auction, butchering, smoking, storage in the meat market freezer.  I'm pretty sure over the year we'll be saving money though....I'll have to do the math after we go to the auction and see if I can figure that out.  But I'm super excited about both supporting local youth, our future local farmers, and eating local meat!

The other thing I'm interested in learning more about are dairy goats.  With Cypress Grove Chevre in our back yards and Greg Foster, goat man, as a previous manager, the subject of milk goats has come up over the years with increased frequency.  Not sure I want a goat farm, but maybe a couple of goats on the Homestead would be nice.  They can help with the brush and we can benefit with goat cheese...mmm!  I'm also going to check out chickens for future considerations, and I'd check out ducks too, but I don't think they have ducks at the fair.

I could say more, but I probably shouldn't.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Full Circle

My sister came to visit on her way to our family get together at Whiskeytown Lake.  We had a get together, potluck, at our place and invite a group of Imps.  It was a really nice night with great conversations and yummy food with loved ones.  As the evening was wrapping up I pulled out a box of pictures that I found among Mom's stuff...pictures from my Mom's childhood as well as my sisters.  It was sweet to see that some brought tears to her eyes...it was all very touching.

My Sister has commented on her experience, both at my place and with the family on the lake in her blog Random Rim Jobs.  It was great to see her, the older we get the closer we seem to get...of course she's moving to Chicago now.

We visited our Mother while my sister was here.  The Alzheimer's is getting worse.  They said it would with each move.  I'm having a hard time with the guilt of moving her so many times....if only I could have taken care of her, if only I wanted to take care of her...but I don't.  There are reasons, we never really bonded, she and Dad split when I was 5.  I went with my Dad as my one-year-old sister stayed with my Mom.  There was lots of anger and hurt, feelings of abandonment and confusion...on both our parts and what time my mom and I did spend together often ended in physical violence.  All that has changed with Alzheimer's.  Now my Mom is a scared confused old lady...it's heart wrenching.

I drove Mom to a long term care facility in Redding yesterday.  Sadly she was not able to take her little dog Dani with her.  I'm so upset at the Public Guardian, they just came and took the dog away when my Mom wasn't looking, not giving her a chance to say good-bye.  Once Mom realized it, and it was about 30 minutes or so, she was very sad and cried.  All I could do is tell her that Dani had a great new home with people who love her...all a big fat lie, I have no idea what will happen to Dani.  I think she's gone to Miranda's Rescue.  The thing is, about half way to Redding, my Mom was talking about how much she missed her cat...not her dog.  I think she knew she was missing something, but couldn't remember what.  What I'm most afraid of, is how she will feel at night, when she is used to having Dani next to her (and many, many dogs before Dani, for most of her life).

My Aunt Bonnie, cousin Tianna, step second-cousin Darrin, Uncle Bucky and cousin Jackson all met us at the hospital.  The look on Mom's face once she realized she was going to be staying there almost killed me.  But she pulled it together and just accepted the situation.  We checked in with the nurses and unpacked what we could of Mom's in the small space provided.  She's sharing a room with two other ladies....she's going to hate it.  All the commotion and noise upsets her...it upsets me.

Aunt Bonnie said she's going to visit with Mom today and tomorrow, and maybe even Uncle Bucky and apparently Uncle Boyd too once he gets back to town.  I really hope their visits help Mom adjust, I think someone will go by at least once a week.  I don't know when I will be able to visit again.  I cried myself to sleep last night think about how she must feel.

When Jillian and I came home from Whiskeytown Lake Sunday night to pick up Mom, Jillian realized that her cervical mucus was clear and stretchy....she had entered another fertile cycle.  So she called Baby Daddy and headed over to his place for a "deposit".  Another friend of ours, pregnant with her second child right now, gave us her secret to getting pregnant - using a Diva Cup after intercourse....so we got one and are going to use it this time around.  She got another visit into Baby Daddy tonight after we got home...what a trooper!  I love her so!  And maybe, just maybe, there is a new baby on the way.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Sister Arrival

It's not as if it's my stepmom is coming, it's only my sister, and her 'friend'...but I am still is a panic trying to get my house clean.  Although to be honest, at this point, it's more about getting it straightened up and things put away. There are actually boxes still in the spare room that have not been unpacked since we moved into this house, back in September 2007...but we're getting closer.  My sister has never seen the house, so I want to make a good impression.

She's never seen the house, because 'there are too many trees' up here.  She lives in the city, SF, and loves the city life.  When we were still young enough to be living with our Dad, she had a poster of NY on her wall, said she was going to go there....and she did, at 18, I believe.  The day after she graduated high school, a year early (she's a smart one) she moved to LA.  When it came time for her to transfer from the local JC to a University, her search included only colleges with 30,000 students or more...that's when she ended up back in the SF area, where she has lived for more than 10 years now.  My sister has been up to Humboldt once in that time, before we had the house, for my wedding back in 2005, but that was the last time.

Soon, and I don't know yet how soon, she is moving again, to Chicago this time.  I am sad and excited for her at the same time....Borange.  I'm going to miss knowing that I can jump in the car and a few hours later be at her place.  Although she did not come up here to visit, I went to see her a few times a year.  I often stayed at her place when I came to the city for events and workshops, I'm going to miss that!  I've never been to Chicago, guess I have the perfect excuse to go now!

Ok....off to get ready for work and do more house cleaning!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Entry from Freedom Gardens blog


Entry from Freedom Gardens blog
I bought a house a couple of years ago, yep, right before the bottom fell out of the market.  I've been lucky enough to be able to hold on to the house, but if I could manage to get more food out of my garden and spend less at the stores, that sure would help.  We have a pretty good sized yard with the house on the NE corner of the lot leaving quite a bit of land with southern and western exposure.

Right after we moved in I got "A Slice of Organic Life" edited by Sheherazade Goldsmith....it's a fantastic book full of beautiful pictures and quick, easy tips and directions for projects that help bring one's life more in line with an organic self-sufficient one.  I love it and have read it cover to cover getting all sorts of ideas....4-square gardening, worm composting, bees, water catchment, blueberries and so much more.

Then, through a friend on Facebook, I was introduced to the Dervaes Family and their Urban Homestead.  Everything I read just excited me more.  Another friend showed me the River Cottage website, another very exciting small farm/homesteading site in England.  In addition, we have a very healthy farmer's market with farmers who are more than eager to share tips and advice.

I now have a goal to do what I can to make our yard into our own little urban homestead.

I'm interested in connecting with other local urban homesteaders and folks with hobby farms.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Catching up

I don't really think it's actually possible to catch up on everything..but I'll try to touch on things from past posts at least.

Baby front - we're still not pregnant :(  Perhaps that is really why I've slowed down with the posting...that and knowing that it's really for me, the writing and posting, not one else really gives a shit and well, if I'm busy or unmotivated, no one will care, but me.  We've tried a total of 4 times now, once with the donor from the sperm bank and three times with G, who we've taken to calling Baby Daddy.  Jillian is bleeding now, so in a couple of weeks we'll be trying again.  We are really thankful that Baby Daddy is eager and willing and patient....it helps.  I've almost gotten to a place now that I'm not thinking about it too much...kind a in a wait til it happens, then I'll get excited mode.

Garden - after all the rain and our crazy mouse problem I finally was able to plant a few things in the raised beds outside on Summer Solstice, June 22nd.  We been able to harvest a few green beans, peas, lettuce, cilantro, parsley and strawberries....but to tell the truth, I don't think incorporated enough good stuff, compost, into the used soil I filled the beds with before I planted and now, the garden is looking a bit weak....we'll see.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Dyeing eggs - the natural way.

Dyeing eggs - the natural way.

I learned this egg dyeing method back when I was a kid...if I remember correctly it was from someone in our church group when we had a craft day or something.

Supplies:
Onion Skins - I gather these from the grocery store, pulling the loose skins from the bottom of the onion bins, Winco works well.  I've never been charged anything for them at the check-out counter, I just tell them it's for an art project.
9" x 9" squares of light cotton - We used one of Jillian's old t-shirts and just cut it up.  We got 14 'squares' from one shirt.  The squares do not need to be exact, just big enough to tie around the egg.
Large pot for boiling
Splash of White Vinegar



First, you lay one of the squares flat on the counter and add a handful of crushed and broken up onion skins.  You want enough to form a layer or two around the egg once it's rolled up.


Place an egg in the center of your pile of crushed onion skins.


Next is the only tricky part: The idea is to tie the egg up in such a way that the onion skins are making contact with the shell.  I take one corner and fold it over the top of the egg, placing onion skins around the egg as I do.  Then, holding that in place, I fold the opposite corner over the egg, again, ensuring onion skins are in contact with the egg.  This method leaves the two other corners available to be pulled together and tied, securing the egg and onion skins.  There is no right way to do this.  As long as you've got onion skins next to the egg shell this should work.



After you've tied all your eggs, place them in a large pot with enough water to cover and float the egg bundles just a bit.  I add a couple splashes of white vinegar to the water to help make the magic happen.



Cover the pot and bring to boil.  Once the water starts to boil, remove lid and lower temperature and simmer for 15 minutes.  You'll notice that the water changes color from the onion skins, that's ok.  Since they float a bit, I stir the pot some as the eggs cook, making sure all sides are really getting in the water.




After 15 minutes, I remove the pot form the stove and gently dump out the hot water and start running cold water over the eggs.  It takes two or three cold water rinses before the bundles are cool enough to handle.  Once they are, carefully untie them as they may still be warm inside.....and behold, your naturally dyed eggs....that I think almost look like marble.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Starting the garden 2010 - Part 2 - Wildflowers, rhubarb and carrots

Well, last week, when the sun came out, we went to the yard an worked on another step to getting a nice full garden this season.  It started with planting the rhubarb bulb in the new large raised bed....I put it in the NW corner of the bed and watered it well.  I wanted to plant the carrots right then too, but after reading the directions of the seed package I realized that I needed to soak the seeds over night first...so, they'd go in the next day.
A while back we cleared the two dirt patches on either side of the front porch steps of all weeds, added some soil and treated it with a little Humtea.  And last week we finally added our Black Forest Calla and Emily McKenzie Crococmia bulbs to one side and wildflower mix to the other.  The mix came from several different sources - promotional shwag from Umpqua and Edward Jones, a b-day card from American Spirits made with paper infused with wildflower seeds, commemorative gifts (forget-me-nots) and wedding party favors, and we mixed them all together and sprinkled a bunch in one bed, a few in the other and rest went  onto our little hill.  One day that hill will be landscaped into more garden beds, but for now, I'll be happy with being able to go pick wildflowers out of my yard.


Our little starts in the egg crates started out great...see that's broccoli, winter squash, pumpkin, tomato, basil, peas and beans....after 10-14 days.  The starts that were left inside on the window sill and treated to the heater vent did much better than the starts in the makeshift greenhouse which was left outside.



I don't win very many contests...but a few weeks ago I won a drawing they did at Pierson's Building Center...I won a flowering cherry tree!!  I'm very excited.  Here is Jillian standing next to our newly planted tree.