Thursday, February 25, 2010

Snow and Rainbows






We made it to Anderson and the Gaia Hotel just fine.  They have swans and koi in a big pond that were fun to watch.  The round buildings, each with their own central courtyard are set up around the pond.  By the looks of the parking lot, there weren't too many people staying there on a Monday night.

Turns out the restaurant I wanted us to go to is closed on Mondays, bummer.  We ended up going to someplace else where we over paid for  what we got, which was not very much food...the oysters were good though.

Avenue Q was great!  We really enjoyed the show, and our front row seats.  We were surprised however by the large number of folks who left during the intermission...mostly old folks whom I can only assume were offended by the content.  The puppet sex was hot!

The next morning we took our sweet time getting up and moving.  Jillian took a shower while I did a bit of work, glad I brought my computer, cuz I was able to take care of a few things.  We headed out right at noon and headed over to the outlet mall in Anderson.  We had a $300 budget and did great!  I ended up with new undies and 3 new bras, seven shirts, four pairs of pants and a skirt...Jillian got a new jacket and bag...and we had money left over.  Which was great because we ended up having to stay in town another night.

After eating dinner at In & Out Burger I realized how cold it was getting.  I thought to check the road conditions before heading out.  Sure enough, chains were required on the 299!  Shit, we didn't have chains, it was getting dark and I have no experience driving in the snow!  We started looking at alternate routes - down I-5 to 20 and up 101, or up I-5, over 199 and down 101?  Either one would be a 6-7 hour trip and I was already tired.  I ended up calling the boss and letting him know that I would be staying in Redding area another night, therefore miss the morning meeting and heading home Wednesday. 

We stayed another night at Gaia, we couldn't find a better deal anywhere, and really, the room was really nice.  On the way to the hotel I took Jillian to her first truck stop...where we found the world's largest rice crispy treat!

The next morning, we got up with the 7 a.m. alarm and were on the road by 8.  We ate at the Black Bear Cafe in Redding and checked out the road conditions.  And although chains were no longer required on 299, I was still scared to drive Oregon Summit in the early morning.  So we headed north into Oregon.  Didn't take long before we started seeing snow along the side of the road.  It was thickest around Mt. Shasta so we pulled over for a few pictures and to trow a snowball, fun!

We stopped at Macy's in Medford and bought a new bed set...and got a fantastic deal.  Somehow the lady working was able to give us the sale prices for this weekend's sale now, and then gave us a deal on a couple pillows, and then another discount on top of that!  What should have been $410ish we got for $140ish!  And to top it off, these are pictures of the first of two great rainbows that we saw today.




Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Waiting, Redding and birthday plans - again


Formatting was funny...trying again:

According to our calendars Jillian should have started her period last Friday....she is now 8 days late, and it's 3 weeks since we did the insemination.  She has taken 4 pregnancy tests, this morning the most recent, all negative.  We don't know what to think.  I do believe I"m handling it better than my dear Love who just either wants to start bleeding or get a positive test result.  I, of course, also want to know.  So out of our control right now.  We'll take another test next Wednesday if she still hasn't started.

Meanwhile, we're going to Redding on Monday to see Avenue Q, it ought to be a fun night! From the Redding Convention Center's webpage
Avenue Q is Broadway's 2004 Tony Award winner for Best Musical, Best Score and Best Book. A hilarious show full of heart and hummable tunes, Avenue Q is about surviving in NYC with big dreams and a tiny bank account. Called "one of the funniest shows you're ever likely to see" by Entertainment Weekly, Avenue Q features a cast of people and puppets who tell the story in a smart, risque and entertaining way. Contains adult subject matter.

I found us a nice hotel 10 miles south of Redding in Anderson, the Gaia Hotel and Spa, through Expedia.  It's new and looks like a nice place, eco-friendly and swans in the pond!  And I think we're going to have dinner at Moonstone Bistro out on Placer St. back in Redding, it's gotten some good reviews on Yelp.com.   But the hotel has a restaurant too, but not as well reviewed, so it'll depend on our timing on the drive over.  We'll go shopping at the outlet mall in Anderson, just south of the hotel, on Tuesday morning before we head home.  I need a few new clothes for work and we're hoping to find some good deals.  Depending on the weather and time, I'll drive back on 36...I sure love that drive.

Jillian came up with a great birthday trip for me :)  It's not til May 6th, but we've got to start planing and saving now. We're going to go to San Francisco and go to the California Academy of Science and maybe the Exploritorium...a total science geek fest, I LOVE it!  Knowing us we'll find a couple nice places for food and a cute place to stay.  Probably not at my sister's, but I'm sure we'll visit.

And for Jillian's birthday in June, we're going to have some sort of bacon fest...potluck, cook-off or some type of event where she/we get to eat bacon of all sorts.  Bacon as breakfast food, as a snack, in lunch sandwiches, part of dinner dishes and covered in chocolate for dessert....I'm excited to see what our friends come up with, there are some great cooks in the group!

~I could go on, I probably shouldn't.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Fire Down Below

What a party!  We Imps sure do know how to throw a great one, The Fire Down Below was a sexy way to bring in Valentine's Day.  At one point, Jillian and I took a walk around the room and there were people getting busy on just about every cushiony surface, it took us a bit to find a good place to sit and relax to take in the sexy sights and sounds.

I had the middle shift as Head Hostess for the night, 10-12, which meant that Jillian and I had time to play before and after my work responsibilities.  As a Hostess, I usually have a difficult time being off duty.  In the past I've feel like I have to be somewhat aware of what's happening at the party at all times...this has made it difficult for me to relax and play and enjoy the party myself, afraid that at any moment I could be called into action.  It's not that I didn't/don't trust the other Hostesses and amazing volunteers to be able to handle any situation that could come up, it's just that the parties are partly my responsibility, as in, my name and money are on the line, and I feel that if an issue does come up I need to be aware....I believe the other Hostesses feel similarly.  But as each event goes by, I learn more and more trust and have been getting better at letting go and having fun myself.

It also helps when I take off my glasses.  I get distracted easily....this, coupled with the responsibility thing I wrote of above, meant that I pretty much never actually had sex at one of the parties....or if I did, I wasn't able to get off.  I need to really relax and allow myself to feel the build-up if I'm ever going to climax...and having my mind worried about all the 'stuff' happening at the party and being easily distracted by shinny things and sexy people, pretty much meant it wasn't going to happen.  Even before the Impropriety Society, even all those years during Club Risque, I think I only had sex twice at an event - played plenty in the dungeon, but almost no sex.  But that was then....now things are much better for me :)  One of the things that helps, taking off my glasses!  Because, although I can see right around me and Jillian, I can't really make out anything else, which makes it much easier to let it go and get into the moment.

So, before my shift, Jillian and I made our way to the dungeon.  This is one of the best dungeons we've ever had, I think.  It was set up in it's own room, with nine stations, if you count the double sided cross as two.  There were two spanking benches, a single and double sided cross, a "cherry picker", an old fashioned wooded school desk (from our house), a straight back chair and kneeling bench, and then two wresting mats.  We headed over to the mats and immediately tried to tackle each other.  It was a pretty fair fight 'til she started tickling....I'm not allowed to tickle back!!!!  Didn't take us long to get winded, we're outta shape!  After a bit we caught our breath and headed over to the red and purple two tiered spanking bench.  Sometimes I forget how young Jillian is and how, although she is a total natural, that playing in public is new and a bit scary....but she is totally overcoming that and was great - I was quite happy with the spanking I got, and my nice warm ass!

After the spanking, we wandered into the other room, where there we found ourselves an empty bed to roll around on.  Of course, it was a bed that was up on a platform so I kinda felt like we were on stage...even though the actual stage/performance space was on the other side of the room!  This is where taking off my glasses really helped again...when I can't really see what else is going on in the room, it's much easier to concentrate on what happening right in front of me....and in this case, it was Jillian with her amazingly soft skin and delicious curves, her passionate kisses, and firm caresses...the rest of the room just kinda faded away - I love it when that happens, cuz it means that I'm floating on my own little cloud and wonderful things are in the works.  Pinch, slap, stroke.....my skin sensitive to her touch, her fingers find my pussy wet, one, two, three fingers in...I start to rock and moan, I can feel the climax starting to build. I push away little thoughts in my brain wondering who's watching, do I look rediculous, is she enjoying this?  None of that matters, I just don't want her to stop...'more', I manage to whisper and with a grin, she reaches for the lube and then with a gentle push, slides her whole fist into my eager pussy.  Fuck, I do love the feel of that, and before long my whole body was shuddering with pleasure.  What a way to get ready for my shift!

The shift itself was pretty uneventful....the biggest issue, and this isn't a new one at our parties, was the crowd of observers in the dungeon.  There was a lot going in the dungeon and people wanted to watch...so many that eventually one of the Dungeon Monitors had to do crowd control and only let players in.  I love that we have a dungeon at our parties, I like that we are able to show so many newbies what a dungeon could be like....how we set it up anyway, because of course there are a thousand and one ways a dungeon could be arranged.  What I love even more than all the newbies watching, are newbies trying!  Watching the fear and excitement wash over them as they approach one of the play stations, talking and giggling with their play partner/s, negotiating, rubbing their hands up and down the equipment....someone getting into position, another picking up a new toy, or perhaps just just getting ready to use their hands....a little impact play here, a bit of bondage there, the thrill of discovery.

One of my favorite things of the night was seeing a beautiful transwoman with a stool and a sign which read "Blow Job Queen - In", a la Peanuts style.  Her stool flipped over and made for a very nice kneeling bench.  Several times I looked over and saw her happily at work.  She offered quite a service as I believe that some of the men that were lucky enough to receive a blow job would not have gotten any action that night if it weren't for her.

After my shift we were lucky enough to catch the last of the four performances for the night.  Instead of one big show, this time the Imps scheduled one act at the top of each hour.  We've gotten great feedback on this format, so I'm sure the Imps use it again.  My Love and I got to see someone walk on glass, naked, then lay down on it and have a girl climb on top and start making out with him!  Once that was over we were lucky enough to find the same platform bed we had earlier empty, so laid down a fresh sheet and settled for some more fun action.  We took our sweet time, taking turns getting one another off, her first, then me....and damn did it feel good!  I love the feel of her pussy, the smell, the taste, feeling her get wetter, hotter, softer.  I have said many times in the past that often sex is best the first time I have it with someone new, and after that, it just gets boring....that is not the case with Jillian and I, it just keeps getting better, and of course, I'm loving it!

~I could go on, I probably shouldn't.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Not this time.....

Ok, so the emotional roller coster took a dive this morning...we're not pregnant :(  My brain is doing it's job and creating all sorts of excuses and trying to give me encouragement.....but fuck it hurts!!!!  We will try again, I've waited far too long to give up now!
We're going to take the next month/cycle to see if we can't get a handle on the right timing.  We didn't get a positive result from the ovulation predictor kit, OPK, before we inseminated, so I don't know why I was hoping so much.  Thing is, we've never gotten a positive result....I guess the goal now is just to see if we can actually tell when she ovulates.  Then it'll be about ordering the sperm at the right time.  There was one day, two weeks ago, when we had to decide if we were going to send the sperm back to the bank because we didn't get a positive on the OPK, or just go ahead and inseminate based on our guess as to the right timing....it was either send it back that day, or use it, or let it go bad....at $465 per vile, we had two, + $190 for shipping the tank, it was a hard choice.  We'd come so far and we just felt like we couldn't wait any longer and that somehow actually doing it would be good for us, make the whole process more real, so we just went for it....and it didn't work :(
I tried so hard to keep my expectations low, so this part wouldn't hurt so much.  I was hoping that having been through this so many times before that it would be less painful, I was wrong.
But the day goes on and we will try again.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

53% Accurate

That's an F in my book, yet it didn't stop us from taking the test anyway.  Remember how I said, I hate waiting?  Jillian isn't much better.

All the new pregnancy tests in the store these days indicate that you can test 5 days before missed period**....the ** reads - "Testing early: The One Step Pregnancy Test can be used as early as 4 days before you expect your period.  That's 5 days sooner that waiting until you miss your period to test.  The amount of pregnancy hormone increases rapidly in early pregnancy.  In clinical testing with early pregnancy samples, the One Step Pregnancy Test gave the following results:
# of Days before expected pregnancy - 4, % of women getting a "+"(pregnant) result with One Step Pregnancy Test - 53%."  The percentage does get better as the days go by, with 87% accuracy the day before the period is suppose to start. and 99% the day one is suppose to start.

We took the test yesterday at lunch, depending on who's calendar we use, she's scheduled to start Friday or Saturday....it was negative.  Of course we have given ourselves a million and one reasons not to give up hope just yet - we took the test too soon, took it at noon instead of in the morning, she hasn't actually started her period yet, the test only gets failing results even if it wasn't too early.  At the same time we're telling ourselves that we will keep trying, this isn't the end, it's just the beginning, we'd be super lucky for it to work the first time...kinda schizo in my head to tell the truth.

So the plan is to wait til Friday, and take the test again, if she hasn't started to bleed.  If it's positive, then we get all excited and start the baby prepping in earnest....if not, first, we take a deep breath, then we book a hot tub, something Jillian won't be able to enjoy once she's pregnant, and we move forward.  At this point, I think we'll be skipping February and try to inseminate again in March.  Also, originally we had said that if we didn't get pregnant the first time doing it ourselves at home, we'd book an appointment with the Dr., for subsequent tries to do intrauterine insemination, IUI...I think we've changed our minds and are going to try intravaginal, IVI,  again at home.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Found Pictures from 2007

This new header was taken by JWH...I'm pretty sure it's from Bald Hills Rd.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

New Mom - Part 2

I have to make a confession and correction....in Part 1 I said:
"No seriously meaningful relationships developed over the next few years...meaning there was no one that I wanted to start a family with."
And in doing so, completely forgot about one special relationship with the Car Salesman, that is, until he contacted me the other day on fb, we haven't talked in years.  The Car Salesman was a great talker.  We met at The Rathskeller, the basement bar at the historic Eureka Inn, when I was a cocktail waitress and he was a regular.  He said the sweetest things to me, telling me I was the most phenomenal woman he'd ever met....I was young, that stuff worked on me, and he was a dreamy kisser and had an amazing cock.  I really liked that cock.  I don't remember now exactly how it went down, it was over 12 years ago, but we ended moving in together and making plans for a future together....which for me meant, in part, that we started trying to get me pregnant.  Again, despite our efforts, I did not get pregnant.  Eventually, after one tell-all counseling appointment, we parted ways.

To be clear, I'm not saying that there weren't any other relationships in those years between my first divorce in 1991 and meeting the Kiwi in 1998, just that most of them were not family worthy.

Now, back to my story -
When the Kiwi first left, I was convinced that she'd be back....yes, I was in denial, but I was still so in love with her that I held on to the dream for several years.  Once my heart recovered a bit, and eventually let go of the dream, I started dating again....women.  In 2002, the woman I was dating, my Tattooed Beauty, agreed to co-parent with me, I was so happy to again be trying to get pregnant and happy to have someone who I cared deeply for to share in the experience with me.

We had talks about where to get sperm, someone we knew or a sperm bank, and all the pros and cons of each choice.  We have fun looking at on-line catalogues of donors - blond hair, brown, black, straight, curly?  Green eyes, blue? Short, tall, athletic, musical?  We chose an average sized donor, blue eyes, black hair, fair skin, Irish.  We were just about to take the next step, make the appointment with the Dr. and move forward with starting our family.

By this time in my life, I had figured out that I wanted to be in an open relationship, and that was the arrangement between the Tattooed Beauty and I....we loved each other, but knew that we would want to have sex with others.  We both enjoyed a sex life a bit on the kinky side and fit in great at the Club Risque parties. And as it turns out, I met my second husband, JWH, in 2003 at a Club Risque party.  At first it wasn't serious, but it was intense.....the three of us would hang out, trying to navigate the open relationship, dealing with fears and every other emotion under the rainbow.

Then, one day, when we were out, JWH asked me not to go to the sperm bank, but to wait for him and use his.  He didn't know how long he was asking me to wait, but knew he wasn't ready just then to be a father.  I said yes, I'd wait.  By this time my feelings for him had deepened and I could see him being a great father one day.  At the same time the Tattooed Beauty was feeling like she need more time and energy from me, I wanted more time with JWH....I had to choose, I chose him.

JWH is a sweet and kind man and the next year, when he gave me a Mother's Day card, indicating that he was ready to start a family, I asked him to marry me. The wedding was March 5, 2005. Before we were even married I started trying to get pregnant.

~I could go on, I probably shouldn't.

Consider the Sparrow


So, I'm sad to say that I have to change the art in my blog header.  I was using a piece by John Wesa, but as you can see from our email exchange posted below, I was not able to get permission to use it, bummer!
I guess I'll use this opportunity to highlight photos I took, or in the current case, ones that my former husband or other friends took.




Jennefer White

 to wesa1

Hello,
I've been a fan of your art for years, I just love it!  I am in the process of starting a blog, nothing too exciting just a journal really, a place to gather my thoughts and life stories.  When I was looking around in my folder titled 'pix from the net' for a picture to use in my header, I came across one of yours, one of the many, I've saved.  I was hoping to get permission to use Consider the Sparrow as my blog header.  I would, of course, give proper credit to you and provide a link to your website.   Would look something like this: http://humboldtjen.blogspot.com/ [of course that's changed now)

Hope you have a great day, I look forward to hearing back from you soon.
jen

Two days later, I heard back from John....


Wesa to me


Dear Jennefer,
Thank you for the compliment.  It is humbling.  Also, thank you for asking for permission to use Consider the Sparrow.  Unfortunately, I will need to ask you to not use it.  I have some plans for that image and at this time I only want the exposure of it on my website.
I hope your blog is what you hope to give and get out of it.
Again, thank you for your kind words.
John Wesa




~I could go on, I probably shouldn't.

Friday, February 5, 2010

New Mom at 41 - part 1

Got a text from my Sister who lives in SF this afternoon, wondering if we were pregnant yet...I assured her we were not and that she'd be among the first to know.
"Ok good. Didn't want to read it on your blog first."

I will be, however, documenting the process and
emotional roller coaster of the whole pregnancy/baby/kid experience here....so, to get ya'll caught up, Jillian and I are trying to get pregnant! We inseminated last Thursday night and Friday morning, January 28th and 29th, and are still waiting to see if it worked.

Waiting, I'm not very good at that. I'm sure my 'I want it now' attitude is a byproduct of my generation. But I've been waiting a long, long, long time for this baby and a few more days isn't going to kill me...at least that what I keep telling myself.

According to my mother, I've wanted to be a mom since I was 5 years old. Why then, you may ask, did I wait until I'm 40 to have one? I can say, now that I have some insight, that the universe was telling me the time wasn't right. But believe you me, I sure wasn't listening and I've spent much time, money and energy trying to get pregnant thus far in my life.

I first got married when I was 20, and I immediately started with trying to get pregnant.
Problem was, my husband had a vasectomy. Being 13 years my senior, and already the father of two amazing boys, he had the surgery before we ever started dating. So he looked the other way while I had an affair with one of his friends, and told me he'd raise the child as his. Boy, if I knew then what I know now (ugg, I'm old enough to say that!), my former hubby and I maybe could have worked out a nice open relationship. But I wasn't too keen on communication back then, didn't have the skills, and never even knew that there was such a thing as open
relationships, and so I cheated, lied, sneaked around. I never did get pregnant and the marriage fell apart, for all sorts of obvious reasons. Two years, 17 days after the wedding, we were divorced.

No seriously meaningful relationships developed over the next few years...meaning there was no one that I wanted to start a family with. I know, that if I had gotten pregnant during this time, I would have taken on the challenge of being a single mom with full gusto. But it didn't happen.

Then, in 1998 I went on exchange to New Zealand for a year. While I was there, I fell in love with an amazing woman, a very talented musician and I just loved her Kiwi accent. She came back to America with me and after a bit, I started talking about commitment ceremonies, family and babies. I wanted to carry our baby, but use her egg...the child would actually be part of us both and I found this very exciting. I made an appointment at the doctor's to have him explain to us how it would work.
"First, I'd put you both on hormones, and get you cycling at the same time" he said. He looked at the Kiwi and said, "yours will be twice as strong, because we want you to super ovulate so when we do the surgery to retrieve the eggs, we'll find more than one fertile egg to harvest."
"Surgery?" she said.
"Yes, we'll go in through your belly button, no real scar is left behind".
We thanked the Dr. for his time and headed out to the car. That was the beginning of the end
for the Kiwi and I. It became clear that we had different goals for our lives....I wanted to be a mom, she wanted to be rock star...really, and I'm proud to say she's making a great go of it.

I always told myself that if I reached 30 and still didn't have a life partner, that'd I'd go through a sperm bank and intentionally become a single mother. It never actually came to that.

I could go on, I probably shouldn't.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Passion

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you have never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Anonymous

I like to think I'm passionate...not necessarily in the romance department, but I am passionate about many things. So many in fact that, it's sometimes hard to focus.

According to Dr. Bob Maurer, someone whom I'm sure I'll write about at great lengths sometime in the future, passion is the ability to sustain enthusiasm and commitment in times of adversity. So with that in mind, here is my list of things I think I'm passionate about:
First time motherhood, Jillian, cooking and baking (although decidedly not cleaning), Indigo and Bacon, the dog and the food, Humboldt Impropriety Society and all that entails, gardening/urban homesteading, genealogy, traveling, and work at Lost Coast Communications.
These topics are sure to come up in this blog...along with a few that I'm not so passionate about, but, hey, I can't be passionate about everything in life. I'm sure you'll be privy to my homeowner joys and repairs, read about my dealing with family members, maybe you'll share a little envy with me as I wish upon a gadget or two for the kitchen or my office or my yard.

When I asked Jillian, someone who has known me since Fall 2006, what she thought I'm passionate about, her face light up with a smile and she said, "life". Life. I do think of myself as a take action, why not, type of gal; one to forgive fast, with a quick smile and an optimistic look at life and the future. It's out of my control, so I might as well enjoy the ride....with a little push from me in the direction of my passions.

Because of this attitude, I think, I have quite the history of adventures! Although truly a Northern California girl, I've lived in New Orleans, New Zealand, and Hawaii; I've worked on exotic cruise ships and in the majestic Yosemite Valley, as well as dingy dive bars and questionable dinners; I've hiked the Lost Coast Trail solo and taken more than one girlfriend camping for the first time, I've slept in my car, camped out in an abandoned, burned out warehouse, and enjoyed the luxury of a king sized bed in a 4-star Mexican resort. I've got two former husbands and would probably have a former wife, if that were legal, not to mention the many girlfriends, boyfriends and quick fucks I've enjoyed. I've got a lot of stories...and I'd like to share them. Whether they are read or not, at least this way, they'll get written down.

Ok then, basically, this is going to be a place for me to gather my thoughts, share my daily joys and lessons and tell the tales of my adventurous past. My spelling sucks and grammar isn't much better, so we'll see how this goes. enjoy.

~I could go on, I probably shouldn't.