Saturday, February 2, 2013

in AWE

I looked up the word awe today...this is what it said...love the examples:
awe |ô|
noun
a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder: they gazed in awe at the small mountain of diamonds | the sight filled me with awe | his staff members are in awe of him.

This is exactly how I'm feeling about April and Chris, I am in awe of them....and I do look forward to gazing upon the small mountain of baby belly in two weeks, the sight of which will surely fill me with awe as I am reminded yet again, that we are starting something beautiful.

April continues to be strong and amazing and inspirational....this from a recent post on her Facebook:
I've been hearing that when conversations take place about the plan to give this baby up for adoption, there is a lot of concern that I will change my mind. I suppose it is hard for people to imagine my capacity for this. I'm also learning there is a cultural negativity around adoption and birth mothers partly because many do change their minds. I know words won't necessarily ease the fear, but I can say that I know *without a doubt* that I am making the right decision for myself and this child. Since I made the decision I've not had one second of doubt, not one question of whether I may keep him. In my mind and heart this child already belongs to the Mamas more than myself.

This is why I have no doubt - I've raised a boy and a girl to adulthood. I know *everything* I am giving up in a way that young mothers do not. Since I had my first child at 17, what I don't know is an adult life without being a full-time mother. I've never made adult choices that don't take another human into consideration. In fact, I've made a lot of choices specifically for my children rather than myself, including where I live and how I make a living. I don't know what it is to make choices based purely on my own needs and desires. I need and want to experience a life that is entirely my own. I've been quietly looking forward to it for 21 years. I know I will experience significant grief when I let my son go, but I'm not really afraid of grief. It's just another part of this dance of life. What I am afraid of is not knowing who I am beyond being a mother.
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