This picture is from http://www.whatibeproject.com/. It
is a picture of one of my favorite artists, Michael Franti. He looks
sad. And who won't be if they felt that nobody wanted them? I hope that Lake never feels this way. I hope that he will always know how much he is loved and how much he is wanted. I imagine that Michael's adoptive parents told him he was loved and wanted, and yet, it seems that he still felt that he was not....what can we do to help Lake feel secure and held and supported and loved and wanted?  | ||||||||||||
| "I am not my adoption." |
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Wanted
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Respect for single parents
I have a new found respect for single parents. I can not imagine doing all that it takes to raise a child by myself. I have awesome support and help raising Lake in my partnership with Jillian. We are a great team, helping each other when needed, we've gotten into a bit of a routine that works really well for us. Lake seems to be happy and thriving. I'm sure if I was trying to do this all alone I'd be much more stressed and not as good at parenting.
One of the things that Jillian and I are good at is taking care of each other when we're sick. She's better than me, if I'm truthful, lots better. She will take time off work to care for me and go to the store to get food and meds to make me feel better, even though she hates to drive. That is exactly what she did yesterday and today when Lake came down with a fever and needed to go to the Dr. for the croup and when I started getting sick myself last night and even sicker today. Because I knew that she would be there, to take care of Lake, I was able to stay in bed and get the rest I needed. It would have been very difficult to care for Lake myself in the state I was in. I really don't know how single parents do it!
About mid-morning, Jillian started feeling really sick too....all three of us sick, what a sad state of affairs. Pumped full of day-quill I was finally able to get out of bed and help with Lake, albeit, still not feeling my best. Jillian got a hold of a co-worker who agreed not only to bring us pho for dinner, but to clean up our kitchen a bit too...what an AWESOME and kind thing to do. I really hope we don't get her sick!!!! With any luck, our little family will be feeling better very soon.
So here's a shout out to all the single parents I know: much respect and love, you are amazing!
One of the things that Jillian and I are good at is taking care of each other when we're sick. She's better than me, if I'm truthful, lots better. She will take time off work to care for me and go to the store to get food and meds to make me feel better, even though she hates to drive. That is exactly what she did yesterday and today when Lake came down with a fever and needed to go to the Dr. for the croup and when I started getting sick myself last night and even sicker today. Because I knew that she would be there, to take care of Lake, I was able to stay in bed and get the rest I needed. It would have been very difficult to care for Lake myself in the state I was in. I really don't know how single parents do it!
About mid-morning, Jillian started feeling really sick too....all three of us sick, what a sad state of affairs. Pumped full of day-quill I was finally able to get out of bed and help with Lake, albeit, still not feeling my best. Jillian got a hold of a co-worker who agreed not only to bring us pho for dinner, but to clean up our kitchen a bit too...what an AWESOME and kind thing to do. I really hope we don't get her sick!!!! With any luck, our little family will be feeling better very soon.
So here's a shout out to all the single parents I know: much respect and love, you are amazing!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
January 1st, 2014
Today was a doozy, so glad Jillian had the day off to help. Lake came down with his first real sickness yesterday and today he was super needy and sad, and wanted to be held constantly. At one point his fever reach 103.4! We gave him baby fever reducer and it helped some, he was able to get in a couple 20-30 minute naps, but kept waking up in tears. I've heard it before and it's true, nothing worse than your baby being sick and there's nothing you can do about it, almost broke our hearts.
Lucky for him (us), by this evening his fever broke and he managed a few smiles and a little laugh, whew! I hope he sleeps though the night :)
I haven't wanted to jinks things by saying something, but Lake had been sleeping through the night for about a month now. There have been a few exceptions, like last night when he was so sick, but I can't tell you how awesome it is for me to finally be getting some sleep. I'm hoping that this means that I will have more energy to do things....both around the house and in the community.
Paddle has invited me to join her, and a bunch of others, in finding a word for the year:
Hello Beautiful People!
Lucky for him (us), by this evening his fever broke and he managed a few smiles and a little laugh, whew! I hope he sleeps though the night :)I haven't wanted to jinks things by saying something, but Lake had been sleeping through the night for about a month now. There have been a few exceptions, like last night when he was so sick, but I can't tell you how awesome it is for me to finally be getting some sleep. I'm hoping that this means that I will have more energy to do things....both around the house and in the community.
Paddle has invited me to join her, and a bunch of others, in finding a word for the year:
Hello Beautiful People!
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
This year I have.....
I was feeling very overwhelmed the other day and quite a bit depressed....but then my good friend Paddle pointed out that I have have quite the year, and I should give myself a break.
It was June 2012 when Jillian and I took a trip the The Nest and did some deep soul searching...at the end of that trip, we when home with huge life changing plans - wrap things up in Eureka and move on to Portland. Which meant:
a) Saying good-bye to a job and co-workers I'd had for over 14 years.
b) Selling my house in Humboldt and all that goes along with that....for half of what it was worth and only after a struggle with the ex.
c) Letting go of Noah and Casey (those 6 words can not even begin to describe how hard this has been).
d) Letting go of the idea of having children in our lives, tired of the emotional roller coaster I'd been on for 20+ years as I tried over and over again.
e) Hosting the last of the Impropriety Society events, the end of 4.5 years of community work.
f) Ending a business partnership with two of the best friends/partners a gal could have.
g) Finding a place in Portland to live.
h) Packing what we could and selling or giving away the rest of our belongings.
i) Deciding to start my own business in Portland - picking a business name and designing a logo.
And then 6 weeks before we left Humboldt we found out we're getting a baby!!!...which meant:
j) Going to the Dr. with April and seeing our baby on the sonogram.
k) Dealing with government agencies and navigating the open adoption process.
l) Filling out lots of paperwork and getting FBI background check, credit checks and health checks, plus references from friends and family and personal interviews.
m) Enduring a Home Study.
n) Paying for all those studies...with money meant to run my business.
o) Processing the emotions around becoming a parent through open adoption- mine, Jillian's, April and Chris'...and to some extent the rest of our families.
Once in Portland:
p) Unpacking and settling into our new place....loving the view and the location, but realizing that our highrise studio is too small and too expensive for long term child rearing.
q) Familiarized ourselves to a new city and trying not to get lost.
r) Finish writing my business plan and do all the work to actually start my business - permits, kitchen rental, inspections, applying to farmers markets, get business supplies, set up my books, pick recipes.
s) Work my first farmers market in March, less than three months after arriving in town, loved it!
t) Travel back to Humboldt for baby shower, visit with Noah and Casey and the rest of our friends.
u) Pick a name for the baby.
v) Jillian had to find/get a job.
w) Travel back to Humboldt for Lake's birth....and experiencing a most magical time!
x) All the while holding our breath, waiting to see if April and Chris would change their minds.
y) Wait for official paperwork to bring Lake home.
z) Move again to a place that cost us less rent and has more room, but is in a much less desirable neighborhood...with a newborn, less than a month old...thank goodness April was here to help with Lake!
aa) Coming to the realization that I don't have enough money to keep the business afloat and that I'll have to put it on hold, even before it really gets going.
bb) Realized that we also don't have enough money to finish the adoption.
cc) Hind site is a bitch as I realized that we should have spent all our money on the adoption and not on starting the business, at least the adoption would be done and not in limbo.
dd) Adjusting to having FAR less money than I'm used to...living in government housing and even needing to visit a food bank to make ends meet
ee) Adjusting to being a stay-at-home-mom....hell, to just being a Mom
ff) Realizing that I need to make some Portland friends.
gg) Dealing with the heat of Portland, yuck.
I'm sure if I thought about it more I could add a few things more to the list.....not the average year!
It was June 2012 when Jillian and I took a trip the The Nest and did some deep soul searching...at the end of that trip, we when home with huge life changing plans - wrap things up in Eureka and move on to Portland. Which meant:
a) Saying good-bye to a job and co-workers I'd had for over 14 years.
b) Selling my house in Humboldt and all that goes along with that....for half of what it was worth and only after a struggle with the ex.
c) Letting go of Noah and Casey (those 6 words can not even begin to describe how hard this has been).
d) Letting go of the idea of having children in our lives, tired of the emotional roller coaster I'd been on for 20+ years as I tried over and over again.
e) Hosting the last of the Impropriety Society events, the end of 4.5 years of community work.
f) Ending a business partnership with two of the best friends/partners a gal could have.
g) Finding a place in Portland to live.
h) Packing what we could and selling or giving away the rest of our belongings.
i) Deciding to start my own business in Portland - picking a business name and designing a logo.
And then 6 weeks before we left Humboldt we found out we're getting a baby!!!...which meant:
j) Going to the Dr. with April and seeing our baby on the sonogram.
k) Dealing with government agencies and navigating the open adoption process.
l) Filling out lots of paperwork and getting FBI background check, credit checks and health checks, plus references from friends and family and personal interviews.
m) Enduring a Home Study.
n) Paying for all those studies...with money meant to run my business.
o) Processing the emotions around becoming a parent through open adoption- mine, Jillian's, April and Chris'...and to some extent the rest of our families.
Once in Portland:
p) Unpacking and settling into our new place....loving the view and the location, but realizing that our highrise studio is too small and too expensive for long term child rearing.
q) Familiarized ourselves to a new city and trying not to get lost.
r) Finish writing my business plan and do all the work to actually start my business - permits, kitchen rental, inspections, applying to farmers markets, get business supplies, set up my books, pick recipes.
s) Work my first farmers market in March, less than three months after arriving in town, loved it!
t) Travel back to Humboldt for baby shower, visit with Noah and Casey and the rest of our friends.
u) Pick a name for the baby.
v) Jillian had to find/get a job.
w) Travel back to Humboldt for Lake's birth....and experiencing a most magical time!
x) All the while holding our breath, waiting to see if April and Chris would change their minds.
y) Wait for official paperwork to bring Lake home.
z) Move again to a place that cost us less rent and has more room, but is in a much less desirable neighborhood...with a newborn, less than a month old...thank goodness April was here to help with Lake!
aa) Coming to the realization that I don't have enough money to keep the business afloat and that I'll have to put it on hold, even before it really gets going.
bb) Realized that we also don't have enough money to finish the adoption.
cc) Hind site is a bitch as I realized that we should have spent all our money on the adoption and not on starting the business, at least the adoption would be done and not in limbo.
dd) Adjusting to having FAR less money than I'm used to...living in government housing and even needing to visit a food bank to make ends meet
ee) Adjusting to being a stay-at-home-mom....hell, to just being a Mom
ff) Realizing that I need to make some Portland friends.
gg) Dealing with the heat of Portland, yuck.
I'm sure if I thought about it more I could add a few things more to the list.....not the average year!
Friday, April 5, 2013
The Naming Game
Picking his name.
For a few weeks, when we first found out about the pregnancy and went to our first sonogram with April, we thought we were having a girl. That night after the sonogram, Jillian and I went home and picked out a beautiful name for a girl, one that we both loved and had very significant meaning for us...Zeva Rosalie Harbaugh.
Picking a name for a girl went so smooth, that it was a bit surprising to us, once we found out we were having a boy, not a girl, how difficult it was to find a name we agreed on. We didn't like any of them. We were also in the middle of packing up the house in Humboldt and getting ready to move to Portland, so I suggested that we give it a rest until we moved, that our brains would have more time to ponder the possibilities when we were less stressed about the move.
A few weeks later we started up again. We had rules for picking the name - couldn't be in the top 100 names, couldn't be hard to spell or pronounce, it couldn't be 'uniquely' spelled (like my name), didn't want it to start with J since both our names do, nor the letter E since both of Jillian new nieces are Eden and Emily. Being list makers we just kept adding and scratching off names. We were re-watching Battlestar Galactica so had names like Apollo and Helo on the list, also Malcolm, Finn, Jasper, even William made on the list in a moment of desperation along with many others....like Funfetti.
As time went on we were feeling more and more frustrated....and then Paddle came to the rescue. That woman has an awesome talent for naming things. She's the one that came up with the name for The Impropriety Society, and most of the names for the events we had. She's even changed her own first name, finding one that fit her better. So sensing our frustration, she came over and started helping us pick a name for our baby....she must of thought we were being difficult because we just didn't like anything.
We finally did decided on both the middle and last names, so that was a start. We always agreed that Harbaugh would be the family name and that I would change my name legally to match. For the middle name, we decided that we really liked how Rosalie honored our dear friend Annie, so wanted something as meaningful and powerful for our boy too. So we decided on Cooper....I really like the name, and even considered it for a first name, and we felt good about giving him April's last name. April will always be part of him and in his life, but we like how this adds an extra bond for them.
So there were were.....Something Cooper Harbaugh. Some more time went by and Paddle come over and tried again. This time we came up with a short list to share with Jillian's Mom and brother when they came to visit. I can't remember all the names, Drake was on the list, Thor was one, River was another, and Lake was on there too. At first I laughed at the name Lake while Paddle tried to tell me what a cool, strong name it is. I was sure Jillian's mom would laugh at it too. But it turns out, she didn't, she like most of the names on the list....although she did ask that we don't name him Thor.
At this point Jillian finally reached total frustration and was done with the whole process....she told me to pick - Lake or River. I sent a text to Paddle for advice, she assured me we wanted a calm Lake, not a turbulent River. And then, pulled the partnership card! She said, that if April 'gets' to have the baby, and I 'get' to raise the baby, then she should get to name the baby. So Lake Cooper Harbaugh he is...I can hardly wait to meet him!
For a few weeks, when we first found out about the pregnancy and went to our first sonogram with April, we thought we were having a girl. That night after the sonogram, Jillian and I went home and picked out a beautiful name for a girl, one that we both loved and had very significant meaning for us...Zeva Rosalie Harbaugh.
Picking a name for a girl went so smooth, that it was a bit surprising to us, once we found out we were having a boy, not a girl, how difficult it was to find a name we agreed on. We didn't like any of them. We were also in the middle of packing up the house in Humboldt and getting ready to move to Portland, so I suggested that we give it a rest until we moved, that our brains would have more time to ponder the possibilities when we were less stressed about the move.
A few weeks later we started up again. We had rules for picking the name - couldn't be in the top 100 names, couldn't be hard to spell or pronounce, it couldn't be 'uniquely' spelled (like my name), didn't want it to start with J since both our names do, nor the letter E since both of Jillian new nieces are Eden and Emily. Being list makers we just kept adding and scratching off names. We were re-watching Battlestar Galactica so had names like Apollo and Helo on the list, also Malcolm, Finn, Jasper, even William made on the list in a moment of desperation along with many others....like Funfetti.
As time went on we were feeling more and more frustrated....and then Paddle came to the rescue. That woman has an awesome talent for naming things. She's the one that came up with the name for The Impropriety Society, and most of the names for the events we had. She's even changed her own first name, finding one that fit her better. So sensing our frustration, she came over and started helping us pick a name for our baby....she must of thought we were being difficult because we just didn't like anything.
We finally did decided on both the middle and last names, so that was a start. We always agreed that Harbaugh would be the family name and that I would change my name legally to match. For the middle name, we decided that we really liked how Rosalie honored our dear friend Annie, so wanted something as meaningful and powerful for our boy too. So we decided on Cooper....I really like the name, and even considered it for a first name, and we felt good about giving him April's last name. April will always be part of him and in his life, but we like how this adds an extra bond for them.
So there were were.....Something Cooper Harbaugh. Some more time went by and Paddle come over and tried again. This time we came up with a short list to share with Jillian's Mom and brother when they came to visit. I can't remember all the names, Drake was on the list, Thor was one, River was another, and Lake was on there too. At first I laughed at the name Lake while Paddle tried to tell me what a cool, strong name it is. I was sure Jillian's mom would laugh at it too. But it turns out, she didn't, she like most of the names on the list....although she did ask that we don't name him Thor.
At this point Jillian finally reached total frustration and was done with the whole process....she told me to pick - Lake or River. I sent a text to Paddle for advice, she assured me we wanted a calm Lake, not a turbulent River. And then, pulled the partnership card! She said, that if April 'gets' to have the baby, and I 'get' to raise the baby, then she should get to name the baby. So Lake Cooper Harbaugh he is...I can hardly wait to meet him!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Only a few more days.....
I have friends and family who love me, Jillian is amazingly supportive and is holding up great, I have a great business idea, I am smart and resourceful, April is strong and not afraid to face the loss, Chris is dedicated to being connected to his child, we will have Deborah and Lo to help us process and progress through the next intense phase, and Jillian and I will work together to find the best way to navigate all those important decisions that we will be face with while raising up this child.
So Excited!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Front Loading
Although 'front loading' could be something quite gross, especially when thinking about our immediate future, in reality, it's my way of preventing things from getting too gross. I am so grateful that I've had the time to get semi-settled into Portland before the SeaMonkey comes.
I've been able to get Little Localvore up and running for the most part. So far I've work on a business plan, gotten licenses and permits, submitted applications and been accepted to area farmers markets, secured a kitchen rental and insurance, ordered jars, created labels, got business cards, a door magnet for the truck and banners for my market booth, found an amazing on-line merchant site to work with, hired a web guy, wrote a handful of product descriptions, am writing text for the web page, working on relationships with area farmers, and have had a run through with making and jarring baby food and setting up the booth and selling it at market. Since I've been here I've had 3 SBDC meetings, attended the NW Food Processor Association Expo, FoodWorx and the Farmer-Chef Connection event.
The first market went as well as could be expected....I had Jillian there to help set up and cover for breaks and it was a nice sunny day. The vendors next to me were both very nice, goat cheese on one side and candied nuts on the other....it smelled so good. I sold 11 jars of food which was enough to cover my booth fee, and met some great people...including Lorelie and her parents. Lorelie really loved the Awesome Apples and got to be in a video on Facebook eating them at home for the first time.
I've also gathered a collection of books that I'm slowly making my way though, People Before Profit, Locavore's Dilema, The Mighty Gastropolis, The Food Truck Handbook, Super Baby Food, and Sell Your Specialty Food. (I have managed to finish both The Kid and Bringing Home Your Newborn during this time).
Jillian got her job with he State, and that takes a whole load off our minds. She starts next week after she returns from her trip to Utah. She gets to be the patient for someone's dental hygiene board exams. Apparently her teeth and gums are 'just right' for the test, according to the folks at the dental school here in Portland. And since one of their students needs to take the test, they are paying to fly Jillian out to Utah for three days and putting her up and feeding her and giving her cash to boot...oh and her teeth get cleaned.
We did take a trip to Humboldt last month to make sure we had baby things all lined up (as much as we can right now) and to have a baby shower. April is really showing now....our little SeaMonkey is growing big. It was nice to see some of our Humboldt loves during our visit, it's what I miss the most about being here in Portland...especially Noah.
We got to go to a doctor appointment with April and I got another recording of the baby's heartbeat, every time I listen to it, I well up. Midwife said everything is looking good and progressing as it should. Even though she's been having contractions, almost daily since January, all of April's test have come out great....the only thing they are going to check on this week is to see if our little guy is head down like he should be, or needs a bit of coaching to get there. As of this week, April is off work, so now she can rest at home and get ready for this big transition.
We went ahead and hired Tracy Rain to help us with the adoption process. She's never done one before, but I know she's well connected, knows who to ask when she has questions, and will take good care of us. We have now also dropped off all our paperwork and $1500 to Open Adoptions and are waiting to set our home study appointment. Jillian is going to have to take half a day off from work for the assessment, so needs to actually start her job before she can ask for the time off. We tried to make so she wouldn't have to ask during her first few days, but there doesn't seem to be any other options. Adoption Horizons has also been paid for April and Chris' assessment and they just need to set that appointment so that can be taken care of as well.
So....I feel like I've front loaded as much of the predictable prep work as possible and we are now set up to just roll with Little Localvore, Jillian's work and the adoption once the baby comes.
I've also gathered a collection of books that I'm slowly making my way though, People Before Profit, Locavore's Dilema, The Mighty Gastropolis, The Food Truck Handbook, Super Baby Food, and Sell Your Specialty Food. (I have managed to finish both The Kid and Bringing Home Your Newborn during this time).
Jillian got her job with he State, and that takes a whole load off our minds. She starts next week after she returns from her trip to Utah. She gets to be the patient for someone's dental hygiene board exams. Apparently her teeth and gums are 'just right' for the test, according to the folks at the dental school here in Portland. And since one of their students needs to take the test, they are paying to fly Jillian out to Utah for three days and putting her up and feeding her and giving her cash to boot...oh and her teeth get cleaned.
We did take a trip to Humboldt last month to make sure we had baby things all lined up (as much as we can right now) and to have a baby shower. April is really showing now....our little SeaMonkey is growing big. It was nice to see some of our Humboldt loves during our visit, it's what I miss the most about being here in Portland...especially Noah. 
We went ahead and hired Tracy Rain to help us with the adoption process. She's never done one before, but I know she's well connected, knows who to ask when she has questions, and will take good care of us. We have now also dropped off all our paperwork and $1500 to Open Adoptions and are waiting to set our home study appointment. Jillian is going to have to take half a day off from work for the assessment, so needs to actually start her job before she can ask for the time off. We tried to make so she wouldn't have to ask during her first few days, but there doesn't seem to be any other options. Adoption Horizons has also been paid for April and Chris' assessment and they just need to set that appointment so that can be taken care of as well.
So....I feel like I've front loaded as much of the predictable prep work as possible and we are now set up to just roll with Little Localvore, Jillian's work and the adoption once the baby comes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)