Full Circle

My sister came to visit on her way to our family get together at Whiskeytown Lake.  We had a get together, potluck, at our place and invite a group of Imps.  It was a really nice night with great conversations and yummy food with loved ones.  As the evening was wrapping up I pulled out a box of pictures that I found among Mom's stuff...pictures from my Mom's childhood as well as my sisters.  It was sweet to see that some brought tears to her eyes...it was all very touching.

My Sister has commented on her experience, both at my place and with the family on the lake in her blog Random Rim Jobs.  It was great to see her, the older we get the closer we seem to get...of course she's moving to Chicago now.

We visited our Mother while my sister was here.  The Alzheimer's is getting worse.  They said it would with each move.  I'm having a hard time with the guilt of moving her so many times....if only I could have taken care of her, if only I wanted to take care of her...but I don't.  There are reasons, we never really bonded, she and Dad split when I was 5.  I went with my Dad as my one-year-old sister stayed with my Mom.  There was lots of anger and hurt, feelings of abandonment and confusion...on both our parts and what time my mom and I did spend together often ended in physical violence.  All that has changed with Alzheimer's.  Now my Mom is a scared confused old lady...it's heart wrenching.

I drove Mom to a long term care facility in Redding yesterday.  Sadly she was not able to take her little dog Dani with her.  I'm so upset at the Public Guardian, they just came and took the dog away when my Mom wasn't looking, not giving her a chance to say good-bye.  Once Mom realized it, and it was about 30 minutes or so, she was very sad and cried.  All I could do is tell her that Dani had a great new home with people who love her...all a big fat lie, I have no idea what will happen to Dani.  I think she's gone to Miranda's Rescue.  The thing is, about half way to Redding, my Mom was talking about how much she missed her cat...not her dog.  I think she knew she was missing something, but couldn't remember what.  What I'm most afraid of, is how she will feel at night, when she is used to having Dani next to her (and many, many dogs before Dani, for most of her life).

My Aunt Bonnie, cousin Tianna, step second-cousin Darrin, Uncle Bucky and cousin Jackson all met us at the hospital.  The look on Mom's face once she realized she was going to be staying there almost killed me.  But she pulled it together and just accepted the situation.  We checked in with the nurses and unpacked what we could of Mom's in the small space provided.  She's sharing a room with two other ladies....she's going to hate it.  All the commotion and noise upsets her...it upsets me.

Aunt Bonnie said she's going to visit with Mom today and tomorrow, and maybe even Uncle Bucky and apparently Uncle Boyd too once he gets back to town.  I really hope their visits help Mom adjust, I think someone will go by at least once a week.  I don't know when I will be able to visit again.  I cried myself to sleep last night think about how she must feel.

When Jillian and I came home from Whiskeytown Lake Sunday night to pick up Mom, Jillian realized that her cervical mucus was clear and stretchy....she had entered another fertile cycle.  So she called Baby Daddy and headed over to his place for a "deposit".  Another friend of ours, pregnant with her second child right now, gave us her secret to getting pregnant - using a Diva Cup after intercourse....so we got one and are going to use it this time around.  She got another visit into Baby Daddy tonight after we got home...what a trooper!  I love her so!  And maybe, just maybe, there is a new baby on the way.