Not this time.....

Ok, so the emotional roller coster took a dive this morning...we're not pregnant :(  My brain is doing it's job and creating all sorts of excuses and trying to give me encouragement.....but fuck it hurts!!!!  We will try again, I've waited far too long to give up now!
We're going to take the next month/cycle to see if we can't get a handle on the right timing.  We didn't get a positive result from the ovulation predictor kit, OPK, before we inseminated, so I don't know why I was hoping so much.  Thing is, we've never gotten a positive result....I guess the goal now is just to see if we can actually tell when she ovulates.  Then it'll be about ordering the sperm at the right time.  There was one day, two weeks ago, when we had to decide if we were going to send the sperm back to the bank because we didn't get a positive on the OPK, or just go ahead and inseminate based on our guess as to the right timing....it was either send it back that day, or use it, or let it go bad....at $465 per vile, we had two, + $190 for shipping the tank, it was a hard choice.  We'd come so far and we just felt like we couldn't wait any longer and that somehow actually doing it would be good for us, make the whole process more real, so we just went for it....and it didn't work :(
I tried so hard to keep my expectations low, so this part wouldn't hurt so much.  I was hoping that having been through this so many times before that it would be less painful, I was wrong.
But the day goes on and we will try again.